today is a gift

Friday, December 15, 2006

let's talk about love. love. love. haha. not funny. i don't know but somehow, i'm just feeling so lonely. i feel that no one is there for me. not a single soul. of course, Allah s.w.t. is always there but i need someone. i know that my mum loves me and she always tells me that she's my shoulder to hold on. but not now, i guess. she has rahman. rahman definitely needs her more than me. and as an eldest sister, i have to accept this fact. i must be independant and can't expect my mum to be with me always. i'm 16, for goodness' sake. but i do need someone. now, i'm like a housedaughter and babysitter. learning that my mum's under depression and she's quite stressed out, she does need her daughters' helps. hence, me and my sisters do play our parts. and doing the chores makes me forget my loneliness. i hate to admit that i do miss my friends. but i doubt that they miss me. my mind keeps telling me that without me, they won't lose anything. who knows, they're enjoying themselves so freaking much now. and not with me. frankly, i'll be jealoused whenever i see other people looking so happy. i envy those girls who have steadies. ok, i'm not yet desperate to have steadies. but those couples just seem so loving and comfortable with each other. they hold hands to ensure that they'll be there for each other with any means. they look at each others with eyes showing care and love, convincing that they'll be safe and lock in their love. isn't that romantic? most teens especially at my age have steadies regardless being homo or bi. but at the very least they do have unlike me. fine, i'm not desperate but i do wanna have that feeling and experience.i guess all i have to do is just wait. wait and wait. cause i believe that Allah s.w.t. has made all of us in pairs and somewhere, someone is meant and made for us. and i am still waiting. well, come on. let me sing the song from the snow white and seven dwarfs. "Some day My Prince Will Come..." loser.

rabiah♥11:29 AM