Tuesday, October 19, 2010
hmm. i've been working for more than 1/2 year. haa. time does run faster than we realize it, doesn't it? Alhamdulillah, i've received the confirmation letter. my dear sister kept chasing me for the checklist and all those naggings i got from you were worth it after all. hehe. for my collegues who have not, please don't give up. treat the extended probation period as an opportunity for you to prove yourself that you can be better than what is expected. everyday is a learning experience, dear. and we grow through experince. can't deny that being a nurse is not easy, in spite of what people say and those who look down on nurses. but if we've the passion and know the value of nursing, i believe that we can still move on regardless of the challenges.
haa. do i have that passion? is nursing going to be my future career? why am i still having these doubts that i'm not meant to be a nurse? do i really love being a nurse? these questions still keep lingering in my mind and i hate them. i don't want that it's not me, the internal factor, that actually doubt my passion, it's the external factor. to be exact, my working environment. i'd not like to elaborate what is going on in my workplace cause firstly, it won't make a difference if i vent it out or not as no one can't be bothered and secondly, somehow and oddly, i still enjoy working there. but i just can't help feeling disappointed:( disappointed in them and disappointed in myself. haiz. but well, life is what we make of it. we are the ones who give meaning to our life, life is only meaningless if we allow it to be. remember, Allah won't change one's life unless one changes it? i simply can't stuck in my life like this. it is not a life if there ain't any goals and efforts.
so i must do it then. enough of talking!
anyway, in my working industry, it's not uncommon to face deaths. but the recent ones were those patients whom i didn't expect to pass away. somehow, i still can't accept that they've gone but ultimately, death is in His hands. i'm scared though. i'm scared that i will get so used to see deaths that i'll somehow don't feel anything towards death. Astaghfirullah... i do fear death. i know i'm so not ready for the other world. yes, every living thing will face death but i'm not prepared for it. i've been chasing dunya so much that i forget about akhirat:( i hope i'm still not too late to change then...
should i trust anyone? i don't know why but as my life goes on, my trust towards people seem to fade. i used to trust people easily and i used to take a relationship seriously but now, i feel in this world, one can only trust him/herself and God. really. you can only trust and depend on yourself. no one else out there is always there for you except for yourself. just you. and Him. there's a saying goes 'trust no one unless you've eaten much salt with him' and then, there's also another saying which states 'one must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life'.
and in the first place, do i really trust myself??
rabiah♥12:39 PM
