things are not pretty fine. nah, it's not about work. well, not totally. there's always sth about work, isn't it? haha. well, i don't give a f***ing damn la. all i know i've to play my responsibility as a nurse towards the patients. actually the patients are the reason why i come to work. i don't give a damn if ppl like me or not. all i care is my patients. i hope. haha. well, that's not the point. i'm worried. till now, i still have his number. he may be gone but i can't simply delete his number. it's not that i don't accept he's gone but i'm still very angry. gosh, i'm so angry. life was unfair towards him! haiz. it's fate. even if i cry blood, he won't come back anyway. urgh, she had better not come back! i really hope the matter can be settled quickly despite knowing it won't be easy and will definitely take a long time. haiz, haiz, haiz. miss him a lot:( regretted for not nagging him more and forcing him to go to the hospital. regretted that my last talk to him was not a gd one. and regretted for not making him stay here... nani may tell us that she redha but i know she still can't accept it. she is still very angry. i wonder why she pretends to take her meds when she keeps insisting to go home. she thinks we are blind and stupid not to know of her not taking her meds. obviously, she denies it when we ask her. we're worried for her well-being but she seems to be taking it lightly. nak tegor pun tak gune. she won't listen anyway. just pray her heart won't be that hard and she will get well soon.

obek piya's death was not a surprise one but it did an impact on me. i was not closed with her but i knew her as a jovial and talkative person! in spite of her illness, she seemed to take it well and tried to enjoy her life. thank goodness she was terminally discharged and passed away at home with her loved ones around. it reminded me of mr li who had mets renal ca. he was discharged on thurs morning and passed away on the next morning at home. for me personally, i prefer my patients(esp palliative ones) to pass away at home. well, of course, it's up to the individual. as long as it is his/her wish, i guess he/she will go in peace...oh, btw, if you're reading my post, it's not good to comment the physics of dying ppl. it's very disrespectful! hmm. her death reminded me of my late pt mr tay. he passed away 1 day before her death and he also had cancer. i was quite affected with his death as i had seen how much he had deteriorated. from a walker who's rather fussy to someone who was almost a vegetable. hmm. indeed, Allah is Almighty.

anyway, gonna start my degree in this coming aug. InsyaAllah, i will get through it. i still don't exactly know what i want in life but i know i need these 2 certs. advanced dip and degree. InsyaAllah:)

can't deny i kinda envy other kids who seem intelligent, who are so much better than abdul rahman. wonder why he can't be like them when they all have the same diagnosis. silly me who forgets that every kid is special and autism is a broad spectrum disorder. regardless of what, i love you, abdul rahman sayang:)