today is a gift

2011-06-25T14:44:00.005+08:00

keep calm and carry on. only when you find your inner peace do you manage to do your things smoothly. InyaAllah:)

recently, met up with my former secondary classmates. miss them so much, miss that kind of company. except we seem to tone down. haha. couldn't believe the crazy things we did back then. still can't believe we were 'the in group' in e1. hahaha. it's been 5 yrs since i left bowen. seriously miss those 'innocent' sch days! haha. poly was a different kind as we're starting our stepping stone towards our nursing career. but pri and sec schs' life was such a carefree one. i guess i've brought up this topic before in my previous post. hee. but still, i've learnt a lot along the way though. pri sch one was more of finding the right kind of friends and peer pressure; and sec sch was more like abt studies and cca. haha. let bygones be bygones. the past maybe gone but we can't erase the memory and learning experience. so we just need to learn from the past and keep moving forward. it's a cliche but we just simply have to.

suxin mentioned that everyone from our sec sch days have changed. ya, change either physically or in character/behaviour/maturity wise. i seem to look pretty much the same, perhaps i've gained weight? haiz. this weight issue sucks. anyway, but character wise, i don't know. somehow i can't define myself. haha. some ppl say i'm a matured girl but there're ppl call me childish for having collection of disney dvds and stickers. haha. at times, i wonder how can ppl judge me when i, myself, don't even know myself? i believe this self-debating occurs in everyone. almost every day, we'll argue with our ownself. which is the need and the want. which is right and wrong. which one should be prioritized. but i guess it's just sad when one doesn't really, fully knows what he/she truly wants. and i'm one of them. till now, i can't totally figure out what i wanna do in life. i don't know how one can have so much passion in something. so passionate in doing something. i don't! well, maybe in more years to come, i may find what i want. i don't know. maybe i won't. whatever it is, the present is the most important of all cause it will affect my future. so since i'm now a nurse, i believe i should just get on with life with my nursing career in mind. hah. maybe there'll be a change in course but for now, let me stick to nursing. ok, why do i feel like i'm a follow-the-flow-of-fate person? hmm.

so, who's going to be the new president of singapore?

2011-06-17T01:19:00.007+08:00

hmm, i've not updated my dear blog for a long time, haven't i? hehe. things are pretty much ok. well, whatever happens, life has to go on. learn from the past and move on. we can never change the past but we can control the future, can't we?

the incident from the nightingle nh created a stir in my workplace. the nurses were obviously very wrong. they should never do that. it's not about the role being a nurse, being compassionate or whatsover. it's an inhumane doing. anyone should not do that! hence, i was quite irritated upon reading comments on the nurses being incompassionate and not doing their jobs well blah blah. i can say that the children did not do their job well by placing their assisted 1 mother in a nh for 4 years. there must be reason(s) why they placed their mum in nh and there are also reason(s) why the nurses treated their mum such way. whatever it is, this incident put more pressure on the nurses. seriously. and esp the foreign ones. i've been asked a lot of times if i'm a local or not. and only after i answer i'm a local did i see a smile in their face. when my filipino colleagues chatted in tagalog, the patients' relatives seemed to stare at them with this 'not happy' impression. there was once when i screened the curtain to transfer the newly admitted patient from the ed trolley to the bed, the son wanted to see how we transferred. i seeked for his trust, trying to convince him. he said that he's worried for his mother. i got to gain his trust but i know this won't be the last time i'll face this kind of situation. being a nurse is not easy. i really believe that we must have passion being one or else we'll never love our job. it's not the jobscope. doing rounds with the drs, carrying out the changes ordered by the drs, administering meds, feeding and cleaning the patients are actually not hard to do. but to handle the antics of the patients and relatives. and sometimes the drs, but luckily, i can somehow get along with most of them, so it's not a big problem. heh. but seriously, i can almost breakdown tolerating the demands of the patients and relatives. they can be really too much. at times, i feel they're like bullying us, or maybe taking advantage of us. i know the relatives are concerned but they should learn that we can't always do eveything for the patients. why can't you feed your own mother? she doesn't have any swallowing impairment, she can consume normal diet consistency, but she prefers to be fed, so why can't you feed her? it's just weird ok? i don't like that feeling of feeding my patient and her children are looking at me with their folded arms. haa. i think the patient would prefer her own daughter feeding her to a stranger. i recalled this patient who verbalized that even her own children never feed her, instead they hired a maid to do so. i tried to reason out thay they maybe busy but she asked but why it's so difficult to feed her at least once. haiz... come on, we even have a campaign on filial piety. how pathetic can singaporeans be? well, both parties play a part in handling the patients. those nh nurses must be punished, their behaviours are completely intolerable! on the other hand, i also seek understanding and trust from the patients and relatives..

well, all i know is i do have passion in being a nurse, even though it's not easy to maintain that passion. haha. InsyaAllah, i'll carry out my responsibility being a nurse with amanah:)

btw, thankfully gongcha pearls are tested safe! i can drink my favourite drink: pearly ice milk tea in peace. hehe.

2011-04-17T22:13:00.016+08:00

we paint our own colours of life. but still, not everything is beyond our control even though we tried our best. haa, at times, i wish doraemon exists. he has this drawer that enables us to go back to our past life when we can attempt to change a decision or an action or whatsoever that will affect our future, perhaps for the best. hahaha. wth.

things are not pretty fine. nah, it's not about work. well, not totally. there's always sth about work, isn't it? haha. well, i don't give a f***ing damn la. all i know i've to play my responsibility as a nurse towards the patients. actually the patients are the reason why i come to work. i don't give a damn if ppl like me or not. all i care is my patients. i hope. haha. well, that's not the point. i'm worried. till now, i still have his number. he may be gone but i can't simply delete his number. it's not that i don't accept he's gone but i'm still very angry. gosh, i'm so angry. life was unfair towards him! haiz. it's fate. even if i cry blood, he won't come back anyway. urgh, she had better not come back! i really hope the matter can be settled quickly despite knowing it won't be easy and will definitely take a long time. haiz, haiz, haiz. miss him a lot:( regretted for not nagging him more and forcing him to go to the hospital. regretted that my last talk to him was not a gd one. and regretted for not making him stay here... nani may tell us that she redha but i know she still can't accept it. she is still very angry. i wonder why she pretends to take her meds when she keeps insisting to go home. she thinks we are blind and stupid not to know of her not taking her meds. obviously, she denies it when we ask her. we're worried for her well-being but she seems to be taking it lightly. nak tegor pun tak gune. she won't listen anyway. just pray her heart won't be that hard and she will get well soon.

obek piya's death was not a surprise one but it did an impact on me. i was not closed with her but i knew her as a jovial and talkative person! in spite of her illness, she seemed to take it well and tried to enjoy her life. thank goodness she was terminally discharged and passed away at home with her loved ones around. it reminded me of mr li who had mets renal ca. he was discharged on thurs morning and passed away on the next morning at home. for me personally, i prefer my patients(esp palliative ones) to pass away at home. well, of course, it's up to the individual. as long as it is his/her wish, i guess he/she will go in peace...oh, btw, if you're reading my post, it's not good to comment the physics of dying ppl. it's very disrespectful! hmm. her death reminded me of my late pt mr tay. he passed away 1 day before her death and he also had cancer. i was quite affected with his death as i had seen how much he had deteriorated. from a walker who's rather fussy to someone who was almost a vegetable. hmm. indeed, Allah is Almighty.

anyway, gonna start my degree in this coming aug. InsyaAllah, i will get through it. i still don't exactly know what i want in life but i know i need these 2 certs. advanced dip and degree. InsyaAllah:)

can't deny i kinda envy other kids who seem intelligent, who are so much better than abdul rahman. wonder why he can't be like them when they all have the same diagnosis. silly me who forgets that every kid is special and autism is a broad spectrum disorder. regardless of what, i love you, abdul rahman sayang:)

2011-03-21T19:37:00.003+08:00

chocolates seem to be the most perfect food on earth:) hehe. i'm always tempted to eat chocolates everyday. well, cocoa contains endorphin which helps to relief pressure and serotonin which acts as an anti-depressant!

back from my nd, having rd today. somehow, there seems never a day i won't be entertained with the patients' antics. well, i'm trying to be more postive now. i took those 'non-stop taking' and 'behavioural problems' as some of the means for me to stay awake for the night shift! hee. hmm. i'm trying to make those unpleasant things i'm experiencing on a day as bad moments instead of thinking i'm having a bad day. our life is precious. it's not worth it to make those negative things to affect our day. if they are problems, try to solve them. if they are mistakes, learn from them and not to repeat them again. if they are negative comments, be strong, improve yourself and prove those a**holes wrong. and then, move one and live your life to your fullest! haha. saying them is very easy but doing them. well, we can try. if we don't try, how will we know? i remember this dear patient of mine. she was almost 95 yrs old but didn't look like one! perhaps she looked like in 60s? we praised her for her youthful look and teased her if she used anti-wrinkles products. and she claimed that to look young, we've to be happy. every day we'll face problems cause that's life. but why must we suffer with these problems? we're created with brains and hearts, brains to solve the problems and hearts to control our feelings. i told her not all problems we face we can solve. and there are times we cannot take it anymore and think life is unfair etc. she then said in malay, "go and cry. it's ok to cry and feel weak but you must be strong after that." i just kept quiet. didn't feel like arguing with her. and somehow, she's true. but on the other hand, i also feel that life is never easy. there are other ppl who have worst problems, which i think are quite difficult to deal with...

well, whatever it is, as mentioned by the great vincent van gogh 'as we advance in life, it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strenght of the heart is developed'.

enough of serious crapping. haha. can't wait for karaoke-ing session with cousins. even though my voice is totally s***, i still like karaoke-ing! hehe. my last one was with my colleagues; it's my first time karaoke-ing at town. usually, i go to the bedok princess one with friends and cousins. mcm excited gitu. hehe. btw, i hope i can change my pm shift with any of my colleagues who's on am duty on this sat. wanna go bbq with my nyp nursing grpmates!

2011-03-06T21:41:00.002+08:00

there are times when i just simply wanna give up, leave my bloody things and run away. run away from my world and go to my dream world. my own dream world where things go my way. haha. what a childish dream! haiz. it's not like i wanna run away from the problems i've faced. it ain't life without ups and downs. and obstacles are what all of us will definitely face in life. but well, each of us has own our own weaknesses. i'm not that strong enough. sometimes, i feel like bawling, just cry out loudly as if by doing so, my problems can disappear into thin air. haha. but when i did some self-reflect, well, my problems ain't that big. there are other ppl who suffer so much more than me. then, who am i to complain, right?

well, just pray that things can be kinda smooth this yr. going to start my degree in nursing in this coming aug. finally. initially, i planned to take it next year but Alhamdullilah, i manage to save up to take it this yr instead. hope i'm able to get my degree cert when i finish my bond. hehe. well, in case i feel like resigning! haha. no la. don't think that i'm gonna leave the ward cause the thing is i don't know where to go after that. seeing my seniors leaving the ward does envy me; they have left the hell! haha; but nah, i can't. money matters. then, i'm considering of taking private diploma in early childhood or childhood pyschology. having an autistic brother does interest me in pursuing such courses. if i take the offer to take such course in awwa, i need to work with them after that. then, where shall i put my dear nursing career? hehe. speaking of nursing, haiz, it is difficult. every job has its own difficulties though but i seriously request 'respect'. really. pls respect us. we've been compromising a lot, trying our hard to please ppl. not only the patients but also their dear relatives and the drs. we're also professionals here ok?

tsk tsk. hee. sudah la:)

2011-01-21T18:10:00.003+08:00

ultimately, everything is in His hands...

2011-01-02T23:58:00.005+08:00

happy new year:) even though i may be almost 1 day late to wish that but still. somehow, i do feel that a new year doesn't really make such a big difference to me, unless i'm expecting big events to happen like getting married, graduating from uni, having a baby or sth. whahahaha. whatever. hmm. i just hope it'll be a better year than 2010, hope that i'll be a better person, daughter, sister, granddaughter and nurse:)

hmm. well, it's a brand new year, and as i've mentioned before, ppl usually will set their resolutions after doing some self-reflection for the past year. 2010 was a year when i graduated from poly, started working as a full-time rn, learnt the working world, learnt the true colours(haa..) and somehow, i've to admit i did change. ain't sure whether its'a good change or not, but i just know i was not exactly the same rabiah in poly. ya, one of the reasons was i'm very lazy to study! haha. still it was kinda a bolt from the blue when sister actually signed me up as an auditor, not only one of the documentation qc auditors, but i'm going to run an audit in a ward! frankly, i feel i'm too new to be one but when an opportunity knocks, one should open the door with welcome arms. haa. i really hope i won't be a disappointment. honestly, i'm rather nervous and scared:( fear that i can't make it...

anyway, i'm currently love to watch those 70-80s hindi movies. haha. love jeetendra! so good-looking. and i did watch hindi black and white films. it's such a big pity that raj and shashi kapoor put on a lot of weight when they acted in coloured fims. they're very good-looking as well! they looked so much better than their grandson, ranbir kapoor. haa. hmm. ooh. bought an iphone recently! was quite baffled to choose between iphone4 and samsung galaxy s, eventually bought the former as samsung galaxy s was quite costly. used to think that iphone4 was so common;y used that i didn't wanna own it. haha. eat my words. now, kinda addicted to the games! hehe.

well, may this 2011 bring more smiles:)

2010-12-04T23:32:00.007+08:00

totally love the disney princesses plus the princes, of course. no matter how many times i watch their movies, i never get sick of them. hee:)

having a rest day on sun! i believe so far, i only have less than 5 off days on sun. so i must make full use of this sun! hehe. even though i know that everyone faces difficulties at work, i still can't stop complaining about work! haha. man, i'm going to work for bloody 11 days straight. haiz. luckily, this time there're only am and pm shifts.

anyway, on my supposedly sd, ok after my 2nd night, i went for this eol talk at ktph. btw, ktph has a very nice, calming environment. i think it may be beneficial for hospice patients. really. it brings up its motto 'a hospital in a garden, a garden in a hospital'. there's so much greenery everywhere that i may not be surprised if my eyesights can improve. haa. but it must be very well maintained or else it can be a good breeding ground for mosquitoes. oops. haa. ok, back to the eol talk. its main topic is on hope to cancer patients. hope is subjective. it's a belief to a positive outcome. hope is a feeling, a desire, a trust, a wish that sth good, sth that we want/expect will happen. for cancer patients, hope is priceless. we may think their hopes may be unrealistic or whatever, but these hopes they yearn for are what are making and have made them alive. the palliative consultant(pardon me for forgetting her name) was discussing how we, the healthcare workers, can play our part in instilling hope to our patients. not that easy. haa. but we've to try though. however, i know i can't be specialized in palliative. i'm an emotional person. so ya...i'm scared i can't control myself. i could even cry listening to sister geraldine's story on her late patient during the talk. i really don't think palliative is for me but i still have to nurse palliative patients. well, for me, i simply avoid touching on any topic on the diagnosis. i'll try my best not to explain so much like on the meds, the procedures unless they want me to talk about it. usually, i'll just ask 'would you like to share it with me?' or 'would you like me to explain further on this?' sth like that. most of them simply want a listening ear to vent out what they've hold in their hearts. so i guess that's what i've been doing la. hmm. i also did read a newspaper article on this cancer patient who spent $100k on alternative treatment. even after going through chemo and rt, he felt it was not helping hence he tried whatever came his way. he did mention 'when one is desperate, anything can sound logical.' i think if i were him, i'd also be damn desperate. he's only 31yrs old! and he has colon cancer mets to lungs! God... we'll always face the mystery of tragedies but hope is like that faith which keeps us going. well, there're ppl like him who will try whatever ways but there're others who just leave it to fate. there's pros and cons, whatever it is, it's up to the individual. i can't deny there're some patients, whom i've nursed, who i believed should have been just terminally discharged. it's not an easy procedure to do, some drs actually confessed to me they've never done before and don't dare to discuss about it. but to me, why must we let the patients stay in the hospital when we obviously know that they're going soon? why can't we let them go home with their loved ones around and let them pass on at their own house, on their own bed? there's a patient who verbalized he knew he's dying but why the team dr still didn't discharge him. he was really angry and did make our job quite difficult. however, on his last day, he was so good to us that i was shocked when he thanked the nurses. he passed away and i'm very sad that his last wish to go home was not fulfilled. but i also did ask what if the patient pass away on his way home. won't it be more tragic? haiz. i don't know la. what i know is i do fear of cancer. hiaz. sometimes, ignorance is a bliss.

btw, i'm planning to change my hp but i'm really not sure which hp i should buy. these are what playing in my mind.

2010-12-03T02:04:00.004+08:00

change is inevitable. people do change. and i'm so sorry if i have. well, whatever it is, life has to go on.

no matter how hard i think my life may be, i've to keep telling myself there're lots of people who are suffering so much damn more than me. doris day did mention 'gratitude is riches. complaints is poverty.' because if we're not grateful, we can never be happy with what we have.

can't believe it's going to be end of the year. hmmm. should i make my new year's resolutions? or should i achieve my last year's ones? haha. i guess so. wikipedia states the concept of a new year's resolution is to reflect upon self-improvement. kinda true. but why must it be done at the end of the year? haha. whatever it is, it is good to sit down and think what we can do to make ourselves a better person. having goals is an essential thing cause without some goal and some effort to reach it, no one can live. of course, we must be realistic and know ourselves better if we can achieve our goals or not and most importantly, we must try to achieve them as best as we can. one of my goals is to lose weight. really. i can't help myself from thinking that i'm fat. unfortunately, i love eating and ever since i've started working, i've this very, very bad habit of eating late supper. somehow, i like to sleep in a full stomach but i hate the fact i'm like turning into a pig! furthermore, i seriously have not exercised for a damn bloody long time. i guess my last workout was my napfa test. wonder how on earth i could get silver for it. so rabiah, pls pls pls eat less and start working out!!!

recently, there're few incidents reported on gang fights/riots. tsk tsk. when can there be ever a world peace? haiz. friends are of the most influential people in our life. if we're not making wise choice in friendships, i'm afraid we may go astray as well. only after i read some news articles on ex gang members did i reflect my pri5-6 sch days. it's not that i was in a gang(hello, i was just a pri sch kid!) but i've to admit i was not doing a good job in making friends. haa. can't deny that these 'friends' were not good ones. i did a hell lot of mistakes back then. not so major like the ones in the papers but i can say there're embarrassing ones which had let my parents down. i do wish i can turn back time. but then, mistakes are meant to be happened. only when we fall do we get up again. and with no mistakes, when can we learn? there's always a blessing in disguise though. this experience did make me a much matured and stronger person. but it did make me not to trust people easily and not believe the phrase 'best friends forever'. somehow, i cannot find myself to believe that there's someone who will always be there for you through every thick and thin. there is no such person. really. except God and yourself. period.

hope that makes one alive:)

2010-11-08T00:58:00.008+08:00

can't sleep now. haiz. nowadays, my sleeping order is not consistent and somehow, my body is able to adapt to the changes in the body clock. at times, i can sleep like 3-4hrs but at other times, i sleep like 10-12hrs straight. perhaps the long hours sleep are to make up the incomplete duration of sleeps i have had. hehe. 'bayar hutang tidor'.

on the 29th of oct marks the world psoriasis day. honestly, i didn't know there was such a day until i read the today papers. initailly, i thought what the point is to commemerate such a day. really. i have it myself. only after reading an article from the psoriasis association of singapore did i realize the significance of the day. it is specially dedicated to people with psoriasis/psoriatic arthritis, raising awareness about psoriasis and give people with psoriasis the attention and consideration they deserve. haa. nice one. i should be grateful that my psoriasis ain't that bad, i've seen worst. the max treatment that i've gone through was the tar treatment. it does sound kinda gross. i'll never forget when we're learning about psoriasis in sch, one of my former classmates actually kept commenting how disgusting this tar treatment was. frankly, tears did well up in my eyes but then, it's not worth it to cry over people's stupid comment. so well, whatever. haa. i remembered i was in sec 2 when i was diagnosed with psoriasis. kept going to nsc for tcus and the treatments. really detest the shampoo. it really smells like tar! one common thing about this nsc team dr and rai team is they really come in a big grp. imagine, i was barely 14 yrs old, then this big grp of drs, like ard 7-9, surrounded me, discussing re:my condition in their medical terms. wth. haha. haiz. only after i read an article in berita harian re: this malay lady who suffers from severe chronic eczema did i realize how lucky i am and how much i must be grateful. at times, i think like i'm the worst person, like i'm the most ugly girl la, most stupid person la, most laziest person la etc all those negativities! haa. whatever, rabiah!

i was talking to my colleague re:our nursing students' times. hmmm, i really miss those days damn much. in fact, i miss being a student. i can never ever forget my very first attachment at sgh. i'm someone who holds grudge so i'd not like to state down what i had gone through during that attachment. haha. i simply wish that i'm abe to further my studies. InsyaAllah:) and one day, i hope i'll meet one of those people who looked down on me and had said straight to my face that i can't make it in life, saying all those comments that had made me very negative towards myself. really. i'd love to meet at least one of them. but at the same time, i don't wish to see their faces. and on the other hand, i know that i need to just let it go...

btw, i can't wait to watch the new disney movie:rapunzel and buy linkin park's new album:)

2010-10-19T12:39:00.006+08:00

hmm. i've been working for more than 1/2 year. haa. time does run faster than we realize it, doesn't it? Alhamdulillah, i've received the confirmation letter. my dear sister kept chasing me for the checklist and all those naggings i got from you were worth it after all. hehe. for my collegues who have not, please don't give up. treat the extended probation period as an opportunity for you to prove yourself that you can be better than what is expected. everyday is a learning experience, dear. and we grow through experince. can't deny that being a nurse is not easy, in spite of what people say and those who look down on nurses. but if we've the passion and know the value of nursing, i believe that we can still move on regardless of the challenges.

haa. do i have that passion? is nursing going to be my future career? why am i still having these doubts that i'm not meant to be a nurse? do i really love being a nurse? these questions still keep lingering in my mind and i hate them. i don't want that it's not me, the internal factor, that actually doubt my passion, it's the external factor. to be exact, my working environment. i'd not like to elaborate what is going on in my workplace cause firstly, it won't make a difference if i vent it out or not as no one can't be bothered and secondly, somehow and oddly, i still enjoy working there. but i just can't help feeling disappointed:( disappointed in them and disappointed in myself. haiz. but well, life is what we make of it. we are the ones who give meaning to our life, life is only meaningless if we allow it to be. remember, Allah won't change one's life unless one changes it? i simply can't stuck in my life like this. it is not a life if there ain't any goals and efforts.

so i must do it then. enough of talking!

anyway, in my working industry, it's not uncommon to face deaths. but the recent ones were those patients whom i didn't expect to pass away. somehow, i still can't accept that they've gone but ultimately, death is in His hands. i'm scared though. i'm scared that i will get so used to see deaths that i'll somehow don't feel anything towards death. Astaghfirullah... i do fear death. i know i'm so not ready for the other world. yes, every living thing will face death but i'm not prepared for it. i've been chasing dunya so much that i forget about akhirat:( i hope i'm still not too late to change then...

should i trust anyone? i don't know why but as my life goes on, my trust towards people seem to fade. i used to trust people easily and i used to take a relationship seriously but now, i feel in this world, one can only trust him/herself and God. really. you can only trust and depend on yourself. no one else out there is always there for you except for yourself. just you. and Him. there's a saying goes 'trust no one unless you've eaten much salt with him' and then, there's also another saying which states 'one must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life'.

and in the first place, do i really trust myself??

2010-10-09T21:36:00.000+08:00

2010-09-10T11:32:00.006+08:00

Eid Mubarak to all my fellow brothers and sisters! may we have a blessed life ahead and meet Ramadhan next year, InsyaAllah:)

i hope that whatever good doings we've done during the fasting month will still be continued. and may Allah accept our good deeds. InsyaAllah... happy celebrating:)

2010-08-30T02:05:00.006+08:00

MasyaAllah. it's the 20th of ramadhan. how time flies. those chosen ones will InsyaAllah receive lailatul qadar. the night of Al-Qadr is better than a thousand months. Allahu Akhbar. however, i'm still the same. the jahil, the sinner. someone who always wants to change for the better but fails to do so. why is my heart so...hard, cold and dark?:( i cry upon listening to zikir, syarahan, selawat and His firmans. and will determine to seek for taubat. but why don't i change? on every single day, i'll make countless sins. i regret and then, pray for His guidance to change. but yet, i will commit the sins. why am i not strong enough? if there's a will, there's a way. perhaps, i'm just not strong and not ikhlas to change:( whatever it is, i must change. i can't continue leading such a life.

and i need to love myself. i simply need to stop hating myself...

hmm. i can't deny i do drag myself to work. perhaps, always drag my feet there. haha. it's not the patients. in fact, they're one of my motivations to work. seriously. having that feeling that i've done a small part in their lives makes me feel happy. seeing them go home makes me smile. even though not all of them can make it, i'll just tell myself that God wants them to stop suffering. but well, there're times that patients pass away due to negligence from the healthcare professionals. i extremely hope i won't face such situations. Nau'zubillah. i don't know. perhaps the workload...or some people. haa. i know we can never please everyone. and for workload wise, i believe everyone does have a point of time when one is stressed up with work and feels cannot keep up with the work pressure. hence, i can't complain about work. perhaps i'm, again, not strong enough to face these challenges. it's just that i hate that guilt feeling that i always have after work. that i've not done a good job being a staff nurse. i'm not good towards my patients and colleagues. i tend to feel i've passed a lot of things to my colleagues to follow up. and i'll keep thinking about my freaking work as if i've no life. there're times i even dreamt of work and those voices will keep lingering in my ears. Ya Allah, what the hell is wrong with me? i've to admit sometimes, i do regret choosing nursing. i feel as if i'm not meant to be a nurse. man, i really don't know what i really want in life. haiz. on the other hand, i do feel He is telling me to continue nursing. Alhamdulillah, i've received anugerah mendaki due to my good academic results. erm, i don't know my results were that good. hee. hmm. haiz. just show me Your Guidance, Allah...

i hope abdul rahman will improve. please. honestly, at times, i hope he is not what he is now. but we've to accept the fact. all we can do is to support him and pray that he'll improve day by day. haiz. it's difficult. but i've to admit there're others who're much worse. read the berita harian and the sunday times. i have my sympathy on the 25-yr-old guy and his mum. i wonder what exactly his mum is going through. to nurse your son is definitely not easy esp when he was a normal young man. and only after i read the article re:lee kuan yew's wife did i feel how vulnerable we humans are. we can never know when we'll fall sick, when we'll die. and when it happens to our loved one, it's not easy to accept it totally. every day, i nurse a patient but will i be ready to nurse my own loved ones? or will i be prepared to be nursed??

but whatever it is, i do feel grateful with my life. Alhamdulillah:)

2010-08-22T15:46:00.002+08:00

LOL:D
honestly, a disney cartoon movie usually makes my day:)

2010-08-11T18:20:00.002+08:00

Salam Ramadhan to all my fellow Muslim brothers and sisters:) may this month make us a better person, bring us more closer to Him, more blessings, baraqah and rezki. InsyaAllah.

hmm. how time flies.
and i need to change.

2010-07-25T13:34:00.004+08:00

i don't know what exactly i'm feeling right now. i hate when there're like mixed emotions and i can't tell if i'm happy, sad or angry. erm, i can't feel all of these at the same time, can i? haiz...
and the worst thing is, i've been eating a lot of junk food, esp chocolate, just to calm myself. tsk tsk.

i can't help feeling as if i've no life. seriously. it seems as if people are contented with their lives except for me. or is it me who is not grateful and doesn't appreciate life? hmm.

:(

2010-07-05T23:58:00.004+08:00

can i be like peterpan, the boy who wouldn't grow up? haha. as if. i miss that carefree life. and i think that pcd's song 'when i grow up' is stupid. haa. well, only after i started working did i realize that all those stress and pressure being a student are nothing compared to what i'm having them now. the responsibility on my shoulders is getting heavier and i hope my shoulders are able to hold them on. gosh, i sound so 'sad'. haha. no la, it's just that i simply miss being a student. even though i'd other responsibilities as well apart from being a student, somehow it feels different now. perhaps it's my mindset. i just feel and think older:( but i still love disney cartoons. hee.

i miss you little rabiah:) hehe. i'm still very chubby:( btw, my patient's daughter brought her 2-month-old daughter for visiting. she is so cute and adorable. but again, every baby is. haha. in spite of the fact it's strongly not advisable to bring young children, esp babies, to the hospital, somehow it seemed to bring cheer to our ward. almost all of us were like admiring her and we took turns to carry her. i miss babies' smell. they have this very nice powdery body smell. abdul rahman used to have it but now, he's so 'bau masam'! hehe.

2010-06-09T20:51:00.001+08:00

2010-05-21T18:15:00.013+08:00

Alhamdulillah... finally, i've graduated. a big thanks to all of you who have made me go this far. erm, it's not that far la. still more to go. hee. thanks to my pillars of strength(esp mak). and thanks to everyone, including those who've made me cry. hehe. seriously, those harsh advices and scoldings will never leave my mind. they make me remember things well. haa. well, even though i'm very grateful that i've passed out with a diploma with merit in nursing, somehow, i like don't feel satisfied. i want more. i was thinking if my sec sch friends are now taking their degrees, why can't i? right? i can, can't i? hmm... that's why i extremely hope i'm able to achieve my dreams. those 2 certs keep playing in my mind. keep telling me to get them. well, InsyaAllah... but for now, i need to work and collect the moolah to further my studies:)

went to abdul rahman's sch just now. Alhamdulillah, i'm so happy he has made such a big improvement! just pray for him all the best...

2010-05-01T12:22:00.006+08:00

i believe it's ok to be a dreamer cause dreams are necessary in life.
but we cannot only be dreamers, we've to work for our dreams.
i really hope that i'm able to achieve my dreams.
we can plan and act but ultimately, everything is in His hands.
i've to work hard and pray may they come true...
InsyaAllah...

to accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream;
not only plan, but also believe.
-anatole france-

2010-04-04T01:15:00.007+08:00

omg, i can't believe i'm going to officially work tmr. ie, i'm an official rn tmr. ie, i'm no longer a nursing student. ie, i've to start to get serious in life. seriously, i'm not as serious as what most ppl assume me as. ask me, what have i done for this so-not-long break? enjoyed myself to the max. really. meaning, i totally, really totally put aside my nursing stuff. and now, frankly, i'm feeling extremely panicky, totally knowing that i'm so not ready at all to work. Allah, pls, pls, pls help me. but then, God won't change one's life unless one changes him/herself. duh. man, i'm so damn screwed up:( i really wanna be a good nurse. and someone who's ambitious and has goals and dreams in life and would like to fulfill them. i want sth in my life. being a sn for all my life is so...mundane. no way. i don't want only that. i want sth more. i want to have a really bright future. but i may not able to get these if i don't change myself. urgh! damn, why do i keep having negativities pulling me? and why am i not strong enough?

ok, shut up, rabiah. btw, why didn't imran ajmain win for the best album award for the anugerahhitz just now? i really love his songs in spite of the fact, i do consider at times that his voice can be a pain to my ears. somehow, i feel like taufik is the singapore's version of siti. whatever. haa. and apparently, saádah is bawling her heart out to just learn that dbsk may split for temporary. ok, i exaggerated on the bawling part. but it's kinda sad that dbsk may disband. even though i'm not a k-pop crazy fan(ehem, like my sis), i do listen to korean songs and like that band. the members can really sing. haiz. as usual, the music and entertainment industry never fails to surprise us. anyway, lately, i've been watching the malay old black-and-white classics and hindi movies. gosh, the dashing, macho, romantic late nordin ahmad never fails me not to drool over him. haha. and how i wish i can be pretty and sweet-looking as latifah omar. i don't know why i can still laugh watching the old comedies like bujang lapok or labu labi even though it's obviously not my first time watching them. i love these malay classics even though unfortunately, the malay movie industry eventually came to a downfall. haiz. and i miss the old bollywood love stories. ya, i do admit that the currrent hindi movies are different than last time's and much better. not so typical and it's not only about love between a couple and how this poor couple has to overcome ordeals here and there, esp when the parents cannot accept their relationship, to conquer their love. haha. but i miss listening to the 90s' love songs although they can be very lengthy. seriously, it can go as long as 10mins! haha. haiz. that's what i think life is. things will always change. and we've to adapt to the changes or we'll be left alone in a corner, getting dusty as time goes by... oh, anyway, i've been watching makan expose quite religiously. haa. it's really interesting to see how ibrahim sawifi tries to discover the origins of the malay supposedly traditional foods. i think i'm going to miss being a couch potato at home. btw, i got tricked by the info from this website. i usually read this bollywood web(i know i've got nothing to do;P) and on the 1st of april, i read that bipasha and john abraham have split up. to my shock. cause i think they're like the longest very compatible couple in bollywood. and i like them together. they still stay strong despite the hoos and haas. ok, i know my eng vocab sucks. only after i read the whole article did i realize that it's actually an april's fool article. haha. nice one though.

hmm. the complete circle line is coming up. finally, there's an easier route from home to the stadium although i doubt i'll go there always. haa. but i hope that the lta is not going to totally make the 'cross country' bus journeys a history. i kinda love the long journeys even though i did puke once in a while. seriously, try to take bus 51 from hougang to jurong east. it's a really damn long ride. haha. or bus 80 from hougang to harbour front. ya, but then, there's nel which only take ard 25mins. taking the mrt is definitely much faster. however, to do the transfers, avoid the crowds and get a seat in the train can be quite a hassle. there're several times i'd to miss at most 2 trains when i got back from work in the pm shift due to overcrowding. taking the bus is more direct and usually a one-way ride despite the time consumption. being stuck in traffic jams is a torture. believe me. and esp when you're late. haha. well, it depends though at the occassions. if one is in a rush, the mrt is a quicker ride. i did remember the times i thought i'd be late so i took the nel, circle and red lines to work and the duration was only ard 30mins. the transfers part can be quite troublesome. but then, compared to my preferable 153 ride to toa payoh and take train to novena which takes ard 50mins. hmm. it still depends on the situation. well, i just hope the transporting system will improve for the better and the passengers have a good experienced ride to their destinations. hee.

as i've stated that i really enjoyed my break, i really did. i'm going to miss going to abdul rahman's sch almost every day. on each day, i'll gain knowledge how to teach my brother and learn new things about him as well as see improvements in him even though those may seem small to others. i totally love spending a lot of my time with my family and cousins♥ it's quite a disappoitnment that i'm unable to ctach up with my sec sch friends. they seem to be very busy. just read athena's blog. keep it strong, dear. i've got to understand it's not easy being a uni student. but how i wish i'll be one one day. i hope i'll meet them soon. well, for now, i'll just wish all the best for them:)

it's sad, you know, that you thought you have known someone well but actually, you don't. at all. i'm scared. i fear that i can't face the unpredictable world outside. i don't know. if i can't even handle the ppl i know, then what about those i barely know?

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child,
and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind.
Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
Ashley Smith

2010-03-13T14:02:00.007+08:00

i can't deny that i'm so going to miss my poly life. in fact, i'm going to miss being a student. can't actually believe that i'm going to officially start working on the 5th of april. haiz. even though i'm very grateful that having a job means i'll ease bapak's burden, i don't think i'm ready yet:( but i guess this might be what most people feel before their real first job.

as usual, i spend my break with my loved ones. can't wait to toilet-train abdul rahman again. it ain't going to be an easy task cause apparently, abdul rahman seems to be a bit 'geli' with his urine. haha. his teacher came to our house just now, giving tips and advices how to make our house a learning environment friendly for him. so far, we seem to do quite well for him. Alhamdulillah. all i want for abdul rahman is to improve on each day. ya, we understand we can't expect him to be on the same par as the rest. but we can try though:) InsyaAllah. and he has started to call me 'kakak':D

and i've been shopping, shopping and shopping. someone, please, lock my bank! haha. but seriously, i'm actually very worried with the decreasing rate of my bank money. well, i do not only shop for myself though. i think i shop more for my family members esp abdul rahman! hmmf. besides shopping and going out with family and cousins, i've also been watching a lot of dvds. at least 1 per day. haha. well, most of the movies i watch are either disney's, hindi or the feel-good kind. somehow, for english movies, i prefer those which do not make me feel stressed but i don't mind wasting my tears for a hindi movie. hehe. btw, there's this hindi movie, 3 idiots, which is a must-watch. believe me. i think rex cinema is still playing it even though it's already the 8th week. i'm not good in doing a movie review(that's why i got a b for my o-level eng) but the movie is really good. sth to do with self-actualization, i think. haa. amir khan looks super cute in it and sharman joshi, as usual, is very adorable! haha. wth.

so...life, for me, has been so far a beauty:) hopefully, it still is after i've started working. haha. it really is. well, ya, at times, i do feel very down about myself. like i feel i'm not good enough and there's absolutely nothing good about me. typical negative-thinking rabiah. but i'm very grateful to Allah s.w.t. for giving me this supportive and loving family. hmm. can't wait to have another outing with cousins on this friday and family on the weekends:)

ya, life is a never smooth journey. each of us is like a captain of a ship. it's up to us how we're going to make through to reach to our destination. it's not important whether we reach to our destination or not, it's how we're going to make our way there. we've to plan our route there but then, we, humans, can only plan. cause we've to admit not everything can go as we planned. so we've to be flexible about it and know how to handle if things don't go our way. and along the journey, we've to face the waves, unpredictable weather, icebergs, any obstacles. and each challenge we're able to face and fight, hopefully it makes us stronger. but then, what if i don't know what my actual destination is? i still do not know what i really want in life.

btw, i'm kinda in a dilemma now. haa. i don't know if i wanna buy this hp or not. it attracts me! but my contract has not finished. erm. i need more ka-ching$!

2010-02-21T13:50:00.006+08:00

don't be pushed by your problems.

life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,
so love the people who treat you right and forget the ones who don't.
and believe everything happens for a reason.
if you get a chance, take it.
if it changes your life, let it.
nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it'd be worth it.
-anonymous-

prcp is ending very soon.
am i ready to be a staff nurse?

2009-12-31T11:23:00.008+08:00

today marks the last day of 2009. ain't it so fast. it's such a cliche how one keeps saying time flies. i'm not sure if the time really passes that fast or we do not spend the time meaningfully. perhaps we've so many things to do that we fail to spend our precious time qualityly(is there such word? hee). or maybe we do not have proper time management. whatever it is, tmr is already a new year. oh, i forgot to wish all the muslims salam muharram(which occurred on the 18th of dec). it's also a new year for the muslims. even though sadly, there're muslims who forgot it. perhaps the most significant month they remember in the islamic calendar is syawal. haiz.

yesterday, finally, i met up with athena, sheereen and suxin. it's quite a disappointment that kartik couldn't make it on the last min and broy was down with fever. hope you'll get well soon. i've to admit i really miss my sec sch friends. i miss my sec sch days a lot. haha. we were so loud in class that we thought we're the outcasts in the class. we had so much time and energy that we did a lot of crazy things. i couldn't remember how many dvds suxin had rented. i miss our randomness. i don't know. i think i felt...happy:) haha. it's not that my life is so sad. hmm. it's just different:) only after i start working(not exactly though. it's just attachment. but still.), did i appreciate my sch days. a lot. so students, please enjoy your sch days. study smart and hard but don't forget to play as well. but don't play too much or you'll regret it, like me. haha.

i still have the pics!
life is about creating yourself. ok, but unfortunately, i've no idea what kind of person i am. i can think of many negative sides of me but somehow, i can't find my positive sides. erm, am i that negative? haa. i really don't know what i want to do. it's bad enough that i'm still pondering if nursing is what i want as a career. it's very bad enough that i'm not sure if i would like to continue nursing after the 3 years bond. wth. i'm still having that love-hate relationship with nursing. i do have a dream to pursue my studies in nursing in the uni. honestly, i envy my friends who are currently studying in the uni. i feel...very stupid. frankly, i can't help feeling i'm like the one who's left behind. alone. haiz. when i was asked if i would like to take a degree, i felt... i don't know. i really would love to study in the uni. but i need money to go there. i can take up a scholarship but i feel i'm not up to it. and what about my family? somehow, i feel my family depends on me. bapak doesn't earn much. that's why i'm very grateful that i'm going to work soon so i can help my family. even my sponsorship money has already eased his burden a lot. i hate it. i hate it that i don't know what i want to do:(

pardon me for my thoughts.

urgh. damn it. who the hell am i?!

on the lighter note, congrats to safiah for passing the interview for nitec in nursing. i believe she can make it. welcome to the nursing profession! hehe. btw, i should praise ite simei. the building is very nice. even nicer than polytechnics. haha. ok, now i'm very worried for sa'adah. i really, really hope she will do well for her os so that she can go to her dream course. pls, pls, pls. and abdul rahman is starting his schs next week! i'm very, very, very happy when my siblings are making progressions:) in spite of the frequent squabbles and the fact that i'm extremely worried for abdul rahman, i love my siblings very much <3

2009-12-27T12:59:00.012+08:00

hope you pardon me if my face scares you. haha. ok, i'd like to congratulate safiah for her n-level results. the results are so, so, so much better that her prelims'. i'm very happy that she has made a great improvement. InsyaAllah, she'll go to her dream course, which is, erm, nitec in nursing. hehe. me and mak have bought her a new handphone as a congratulation present for her:)

hmm. tmr will be the 4th week of prcp. and there're 2 months left for the whole thing to end. haha. in a blink of an eye, this prcp will be such a brief before i graduate and enter the real working world. woah, how time...speeds. i'm still unsure if i'm really ready to hold the responsibility of being a registered nurse. it won't be a smooth and easy journey but InsyaAllah, i'm able to pull it through. whatever it is, never lead your life with your problems.

so far, it's been rather ok. for the first 2 weeks, i took the role as a junior nurse. honestly, it's physically tiring being an an. haha. esp when i got to take 2 cubicles. life is unpredictable so there're times when we can't follow the routine workflow. i'd like to thank the ans for giving me the opportunity to do the things with minimal assistance. my preceptor is overall very friendly and nice. she has taught me a lot. and challenged me. hehe. even the other sns whom i've worked with are pretty nice as well. Alhamdulillah, i think i've been quite fine. i've received positive feedback and comments on areas of improvement. really hope that i can improve to be much better. it's still only the beginning. i've taken 6 cases but of course, with guidance from my preceptor and the pns. i hope i'm able to take cases with minimal assistance in time to come. InsyaAllah! but i need to learn to be more confident of myself, less tensed and adapt to changes.

mak has been very, very, very supportive of me. seriously, i don't know if i can do it without her. she's my pillar of strength. because of her, Alhamdulillah, so far i'm able to face the obstacles of life. even though i fear i may be dependent on her, all i extremely hope is to make her happy. InsyaAllah, i can do so:)

after 9 straight days working, finally, i've 2 off days on the weekend. btw, frankly, i almost cried when i had to work on sun pm shift. wth. i need to get used to it. mentioning of crying, i couldn't believe that tears actually rolled down my cheeks when i was watching the princess and the frog. what the... nvm.

ok, enough about prcp. haha. at times, i feel my life is all about nursing. everday, i won't fail telling mak about work. and i simply can't stop thinking about prcp. haha. gosh, get a bloody life, rabiah!

you might have read the urban papers which showcase infamous people's 8 things in their bags. well, since it seems i've nothing interesting to blog about. let me do this then.

well, i've 4 bags. the smaller ones (right bottom) are those which i carry when i go out, erm, casually. the bigger ones are those i used to bring to school and now to work, depending if i'm going to shower after work or not.

next are the pics of the usual things i bring. my 3-year old $1.90 red pouch which holds my personal essential items is a must-bring. haha. i remember i bought it at the watsons. fyi, i also bring extra safety pins and pins for my tudong. just in case. and my contact lens small solution bottle is a must bring if i know i'll be out for more that 5 hours. the purple thing is a packet of pantyliners, btw. hee. and i also carry panadol extra and plasters. but some times, i forget them.

another very, very important things (ok, in fact, everything is important la) are my mobile phone, purse and mp4 player. in case you've not known, my favourite colour is black (even though it's said that black is not a colour).

most of the times, cause at times i don't bring them, i've my organizer and/or diary with me. i always bring a pen, just in case.

besides listening to songs from my mp4 player, i do read or do sudoku puzzles when i'm in the bus or train or just being alone. but i prefer to daydream:) mentioning of read, currently i'm reading 'the curious incident of the dog in the night time' and i'm so going to buy this book 'the way things look to me'.

since i've psoriasis, my skin gets very dry easily (besides the really irritating pruritus). hence, i've to bring moisturizer. toothbrush and toothpaste are important as i usually brush my teeth after a meal. drinking plenty of clear fluids is vital so a bottle of water is always in my bag. and sediakan payung sebelum hujan.

what do i exactly want in my life?

2009-12-06T20:22:00.004+08:00

happy 3rd birthday, abdul rahman!
love you, love you, love you very much:)

2009-12-02T09:23:00.007+08:00

it's the month of zulhijjah. and december as well. both indicate the last month of the hijrah and masihi calendars respectively. next month will start a new year. i've been mentioning this for umpteen times. how time flies.

and i just checked the prcp roster. IT'S STILL NOT OUT YET! hello, don't they know that we're starting prcp in 4 days' time??!

btw, Alhamdulillah, i've learnt to appreciate the month of zulhijjah. it might be quite old for me to understand what the month is for but i'm really grateful that my heart had opened to find out more about islam. it started when a friend of mine asked me to join in the 'sharing circle on zulhijjah' at nyp which was organized by nypms. initially, i was quite reluctant as i didn't really know who the members are and i thought it'd be awkward for me to be there. haha. i thought of how i was going to be comfortable there instead of being grateful that i was given the opportunity to attend it. after i agreed to go for it, i went to make some research on zulhijjah. only after i made the research and attended the 'sharing circle' did i start to appreciate zulhijjah...

anyway, i pray for ibu and cik samad for a safe, pleasant trip. InsyaAllah. i believe their hajj trip will be their most memorable, unforgettable and best trip ever.

well, i don't really make full use of this break to prepare for prcp. typical rabiah. just read here and there. instead, i've made full use of this break to spend more quality time with my beloved family:) erm, there're some 'events' which occurred. but whatever it is, we'll be always be there for each other:) btw, my cookings have improved! of course, they're still not as delicious as mak's. but still. erm, frankly, my asam pedas is still quite diluted. hehe. oh, we've already bought birthday presents for abdul rahman despite that his 3rd birthday falls on the 6th of dec. i know he really loves his presents!

abdul rahman mcm yeye je. hehe.

it's sad when the people you know become the people you knew. when you can walk right past someone like s/he was never a big part of your life. how you used to be able to talk for hours and now you can barely even look at them.

2009-11-08T01:40:00.007+08:00

every word counts. it's amazing how one can be so affected by a comment. it can either a compliment or a complain. humans do so every day. somehow, we live in these. compliment and complain may be different in terms of one is a positive word while the latter is a negative one. and yet, they are similar in one way. both can't be our guarantor in life. a complain may demoralize us but that doesn't mean it can stop us from heading forward. and a compliment may uplift us but that doesn't mean it can always lead us to our destination. but this depends on each individual; whether one is an optimist or a pessimist.

unfortunately or fortunately, i'm one of those people who can take a comment seriously. however, i'm not sure if i'm a pollyanna or a defeatist. hmm. situation does play a part as well. for instance, one fine day, someone called me slow. so how should i react? should i just accept the fact that i am what that someone had said or should i improve myself and prove that someone wrong? well, i'd rather prove that person wrong. i must change for good. and i should thank that person for waking me up. and what about if someone called me an ugly-looking person? haha. definitely, i can't change the way i look but i can try my best to beautify myself like washing my face with a facial cleanser 2x/day etc. so ya, it depends on what kind of condition i'm in...

it's sad that we tend to judge a book by its cover and overlook other factors. we throw judgement easily, failing to recognize that there's a real problem hidden behind it. are we living in people's opinions? we seem so though. we're cautious by what people think of us. in any possible way, we'd like people to think highly of us so much that we may betray ourself. unknowingly, we may hurt our loved ones including ourself.

i fear that i cannot be strong and patient enough. i fear that i can be too fragile...

ok. well, i just finished my ed&ot posting. it's a really great learning exposure. only after i went through the ot posting did i realize that i'm interested in it. i've sent a request to ms chan if i'm able to get a 2-week ot posting for my upcoming prcp *gasp* hope to get the opportunity. prcp *gasp, gasp, gasp* which is in 4 weeks' time. to be exact 28 more days. which is coming real soon. am i able to go through it smoothly? extremely hope so. InsyaAllah... therefore, i must make full use of my break to prepare myself as much as i can for prcp. i can't be playful and waste my time. gosh, i can feel butterflies flying in my stomach now...

i really love this novel. kuseru namamu kekasih by maya iris. seriously, i can read it like umpteen times. move over those commercial indonesian islamic genre novels! hehe. btw, i'd like to thank norusha for posting those must-read novels!

and i'm loving lenka's and colbie caillat's songs:)

2009-10-27T09:07:00.004+08:00

a few hours ago, safiah showed me a picture of me when i was in sec2. well, i look pretty much the same. but i believe i'm much more bigger now. initially, i didn't really give care. only after a moment did i realize how time has flown. somehow, i feel time runs so fast that i'm left behind, struggling to catch up with it. and at the same time, being very lost in the fast-paced life alone.

i'm having it again. after overcoming it for almost 3 yrs ago, i thought i won't have it again. but i did and do now.
only then did it dawn on me, "who the hell are you?"

i've failed to realize that all of us have our feet of clay.

2009-10-23T00:44:00.011+08:00

i've been slacking, erm, and putting on weight, on most of the days during my break. didn't really do much productive works. haha. besides being mak's pa. hee. that's why she loves me around. hmm. i love curling myself up on my bed, watching tv or reading novels or doing sudokus while listening to songs from my mp3 player. somehow, that seems heavenly to me. it's my favourite past time. not forgetting, i'll enjoy slowly muching a bar of cadbury or a packet of zooland biscuits or both. hehe. next week, i'll start my ed&ot posting. have not really gone through my notes yet as i've been reading the novels which i've borrowed. hehe. hope i'll start soon before i turn a damn sotong next week. a friend of mine commented that ed is chaotic. it's not surprising as since i found that lscn is chaotic, what about the actual event itself. feel quite excited yet very anxious about the posting. i'm not sure if i'm able to have the opportunity to be the scrub nurse as it depends on...circumstances? haa. but most of the comments i got regarding the ot posting were kinda negative. hmm. let just see how it goes. just hope that everything goes smoothly... ok, besides slacking, i also spent my precious time with my beloved family members. ultimately, besides Him, family will always be there for you:)

it's really sad i used to be very ignorant. i used to have this damn stupid this-won't-happen-to-me-i-won't-face-this-kind-of-situation mindset. but when it occurs, i eat my words. i still remember the time when i mentioned that word to mak. i can't lie that i actually had that alah attitude upon mentioning it, thinking it won't happen. but i'm wrong. it does happen. only after i made a thorough research on it did i get really worried. i used to know it briefly. the first time i heard about it was when i was in pri sch. unfortunately, i didn't pay much attention to it as this heartless rabiah thought it had nothing to do with her. when i was in sec sch, i had volunteered to take part in camps at the institution. come on, who would have thought that that kind of situation would really happen one day. hence, unfortunately, again, i didn't pay much attention to it. now i've to really pay attention to it.

erm, there's someone i know who has changed but not for good. i'm not closed to that person. hence, i don't think i can advise that person. it's just that i'm disappointed that that person changed. i used to look up to that person but now, i'm just disappointed in that person. i pray that that person will change for good. soon. that person reminded me of someone who used to be my role model but sadly, has changed a lot. i'd talked to her about it but it fell to deaf ears. oh well, who will listen to me anyway? i'm not even a good person:(

hmph! it's unfair that abdul rahman is good-looking and photogenic, and i'm not. haha. we will always love him extremely much unconditionally.

never doubt that a group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. it's the only thing that the world has.

my thoughts are for the earthquake and typhoon victims.

2009-10-04T21:39:00.019+08:00

4-weeks geron posting has ended on last fri. it's been a really, really great learning experience. btw, ttsh seems to be making use of the advanced technologies such as introduction of the emr and aurora. not only that, i also have made friends with other nyp students whom i didn't know initially. i worked with 2 differrent groups as i started the attachment 1 week later. and i appreciate a lot the guidance, teachings and advices from my cis and the ward's staff. erm, even though one of them called me fat and claimed to be worried how my body will be like when i get pregnant. thanks a lot for the concern. will bear that in mind. of course, there're some hiccups along the way, but Alhamdulillah i manage to pull them off. frankly, i was very surprised with some of the cis' comments... besides the geron ward, i was also posted to amk sunlove for hse. it's a rehab centre, hence most of the staff are the pts and ots. erm, there's actually only 1 nurse! hehe. still, i benefitted from that posting as i was much more exposed to how the pts and ots work. hmm. only after going through this attachment did i realize that i actually kinda prefer older patients than the younger ones. hehe. but regardless of my patients, i'll try my very best to be a good nurse for them:) InsyaAllah... i really hope i can do much better in prcp and in the future. please...
i'm having a 3-week break before my ed and ot posting. gonna make use of it to bayar hutang puasa annd tidor!(hehe) as well as revising my notes. learning never stops. well, i also need to learn to improve my bad cookings and spend quality time with my loved ones:) btw, Alhamdulillah, i pass all my modules. in spite of the fact that i did a bit worse that last year's, i'm still very, very grateful that i pass and my gpa is maintained within that range. haiz. i was not that prepared. it's my folly for being procastinated and not focused.

somehow, this year's hari raya is not as meriah as last year's. perhaps it's because i was much more focused on my attachment. but it's definitely more tirying as i went for visitings on the days after my am shift. didn't really take as many pics as last year's. mcm takde mood. haiz. but still, i'm very grateful that i manage to fast and celebrate the syawal month with family and friends:)

anyway, thanks to everyone who remembered my birthday esp to cik lan for the treats and surprise. ps:hope you get well soon and to zawani's bro as well! i appreciate all the wishes and presents. hmm. now, i'm a year older. would like to make a difference in my life. but ape eh? prove that someone i'm not fat? haha. ok, besides that. i'm tired of the body issue. haha. become a better person has always been my resolution. what kind of a 'better person' that i'd like to be? hmm, i'd like to be a more positive and confident and happy person. what else? beautify myself? haha. i admit i ain't pretty at all. hehe. whatever it is, i hope i'll be a better and stronger person each day and things will go smoothly in life regardless of the obstacles and challenges i may face along my journey. i extremely need His guidance... erm, honestly, i'm still searching myself. seriously, i don't really know what i actually want in life. heh. nvm...

let your conscience be your guide...

2009-09-17T23:17:00.013+08:00

i only slept like ard 2 hours just now before my am shift. simply don't like when have to go for am shift after pm shift. anyway, who doesn't? haha. that's when i need 2 cups of coffee:) hehe. and yet, i'm not sleeping even though i'm in am shift tmr. haiz. oh. my blog is so dead. would like to update it often but somehow i prefer writing in my diary. anyway, i'm now having geron posting. ehem, as a yr3 student. i'm like in denial that i'm in the final yr. it seems so fast. mentioning fast, gosh, it is damn fast! hari raya is on this sun:) haha. and tmr will be the last day of performing solat tarawih of this ramadhan. even the malay staff in the ward i'm posted to mentioned they couldn't believe that hari raya is on this week. perhaps, it is because the 1st syawal falls on a weekend. and we've public hol on mon! but actually don't really mind if i need to go for attachment for the other hari raya days.

and finally, i've baked all my targeted kuehs:) finished baking them on last sun. only afforded to bake them on weekends as i had no mood and lack of time to bake them on weekdays due to my attachment. hmm. i'm not sure if they are nice enough. but hope people will enjoy eating them:)

and i'm going to do some last min hari raya shopping tmr at geylang. i guess it'll be crowded. haha. somehow, it seems i can't find time to pamper myself. either i'm that busy or i'm so sucked in proper time management. hehe.

my dear abdul rahman can't wait for hari raya:) hmm. this may be my last raya to get duit raya... hee.

it's rumoured that our exam results will be released on next wed. feel stressed out thinking of it. i'm not that confident in the results. somehow, i feel i'm not going to do well due to my folly of procastination. all i hope is my gpa within the usual range. InsyaAllah. and Alhamdulillah, i passed the lscn:) but i'm not sure how i'll be in the real setting.

this is one of the things i do when i'm tired. haha.

ok, now really need to go to pack for tmr:)

currently enjoying some of the hari raya songs:)

Everything is in His hands...

2009-08-30T01:23:00.013+08:00

Alhamdulillah...Ramadhan is here. hope i'll see Syawal as well:) InsyaAllah.
i would like to keep to my resolutions for this Ramadhan. yeah, unfortunately, i tend to break those resolutions. InsyaAllah, i'll have the strength and willpower to keep those resolutions at bay. especially with His help:)

i'm very, very happy for jumi for covering her aurat. Alhamdulillah. ignore people's negative comments, sis. i believe that you're ikhlas to do so. i know you since we're in year 1. won't forget those talks on aurat i had with you. He has opened your pintu hidayah. i trust you not to waste that. and for fad, i'm really happy to perform solat tarawih with you on last thurs. it was my ever first time to solat tarawih with a friend:) hope we'll do more next time. InsyaAllah.

had my last paper on last thurs. i'm not putting high hopes on the results as yet again, this rabiah never learns!, i procastinated again. whatever it is, i redha. ok, feel like complaining. haha. didn't expect those saqs from an3 and and5! grrr. this is the result of spotting! haha. and felt cheated with those 'hints' from the lecturers. haiz. it's over anyway. so, just wait for the results. hope i'm ready to face it. *palpitations*

thought that we're free from exam papers. haha. maybe not so for me and some other yr 3s. we're selected to go for this lscn from this mon to wed. we're gonna sit for theory and practical tests. in order to get the cert, the minimum passing rate is 75%. ok, i'm not really pinning on it as the lecturer mentioned that it's very tough and she expects around half of us may not make it. she did tell stories about some staff who broke down etc. erm, thanks for the motivation, cher! haha. well, i'll just do my very best. if i can't make it, it's ok. i take it as an experience and maybe a hint that i'm not for a&e. haha.
and due to this course, my geron attachment is pushed to the 2nd week. and again, since from my 1st attachment, my birthday is affected:(

love sch so much and definitely gonna miss it:)

i'm not sure what to expect on this mon. how will it turn out? if it's true, will me and my family totally accept the fact? how will others react? what will they say? or are we just being paranoid?

my face is so oily and chubby. and i'm so big:(
ok, i kinda just broke one of my resolutions.

can't wait to bake hari raya kuihs:)

2009-08-05T12:02:00.012+08:00

kepadaMu Kekasih

aku berserah

kerana ku tahu Kau lebih mengerti

apa yang terlukis di cermin wajahku ini

apa yang tersirat di hati

bersama amali

kepadaMu Kekasih

aku bertanya

apakah Kau akan menerimaku kembali

atau harus menghitung lagi

segala jasa dan bakti

atau harus mencampakku ke sisi

tanpa harga diri

hanya padaMu Kekasih

aku tinggalkan

jawapan yang belum ku temukan

yang bakal aku nantikan

bila malam menjemputku

lena beradu

kepadaMu Kekasih

aku serahkan

jiwa dan raga

jua segalanya

apakah Kau akan menerima penyerahan ini

apakah Kau akan menerimaku

dalam keadaan ini...

kepadaMu Kekasih sung by m.nasir, jamal abdillah and hattan

Alhamdulillah, all my icas are over! erm, but not exactly for our fyp. we need to work on it if we'd like to bring up our project to the public. haha. InsyaAllah, but i would rather not put high hopes on it. i'm much, much, much more concerned for my attachments. still can't believe that next fri will be our last in sch! not really our last day cause we've not sat for our sem exam yet. but still it'll be our last day, erm, studying as a student! ok, forgive me my extremely bad english. hehe. ok, i feel like crying. hee. like bapak has mentioned before, live your student life to the fullest cause that life is the most memorable one ever. i know that i will definitely miss my friends very much! hope they miss me as well. hehe. nr0713 really rocks:) and i'm going to work before turning 20 yrs old:( haha. collect $$$ first. hehe. really, really, really hope that i can further my studies. InsyaAllah...

love, love, love my subgroup members:)

my brain is currently very berkecamuk. forgive me if i seem to have unpredictable mood swings.

i'm now loving taiwanese dramas! hehe. btw, tvxq, pls don't split up! haha. wth.

how i wish i can be like wanita solehah, rabi'ah tul adawiyah...
but i'm such an extreme sinner:(

2009-06-28T15:52:00.020+08:00

really had an extremely great time with sisters and cousins:)

last friday, we went to eat at hei sushi in ssc. it's our first time there and we're really kecoh. hehe. it's quite embarrassing yet fun:D

we walked around ssc. saw khairil yusof. it's not surprising if most of us have forgotten who he is. one of the 4 finalists in anugerah 2005. he looks very bapak2. haha. he's working in some car company. anyway, we played around at the splash park.

after that, we went to henderson waves. only God and the 6 of us know what exactly happened in our journey to the bridge. hehe. next time, we must come more equipped:) InsyaAllah. i believe it's more worth it to go to the waves in the evening if one would like to see the lights.

yesterday, we, including khairi, spent our time enjoying ourselves in changi beach. we walked to the inner part of the park where we had not been to. well, i had once. almost. but cik lan disallowed me to go too far. hmph. anyway, since we thought it's still quite early to go home, we walked all the way to pasir ris park. our pitstop was masjid istighfar. thought that we could see the horses at pasir ris park. but it's like around 8.30pm so they were already inside their stable:( however, we could still see a bit part of them. hee. and somehow, the foods and drinks we brought were not enough for all of us. haha :D so next time, we need to bring more foodies to fill our stomachs. hehe.

khairi: rihanna lagi tue dari chris brown kan?

sa'adah: (with confidence) tak lah, chris brown lagi mude dari rihanna.

after walking around the park, we took a rest. erm to finish up our food. hee. there're kinda lots of ppl at the park. perhaps, they'd like to spend most of it since sch is reopening soon. little kids were running around, screaming and laughing loudly. they're irritating but cute. hee. the above pic shows how semangat safiah was talking about the bermuda triangle. as we're star gazing, we talked about the stars, moon, satelite, planets, black hole etc. we're thinking if our parents would allow us to stay overnight. haha. fat chance ;P

only after i watched beyond borders, did i realize how damn lucky and ungrateful i am. seriously. this movie has portrayed the suffering throughout the world. starvation, outbreak of infectious diseases, extremely poor sanitation, war, dirty and corrupted politics. hmm, it's quite a good movie, which main cast was angelina jolie. i love her character. very strong, compassionate, very, erm, on in humanitarian work. but there're, of course, flaws here and there. relationship between sarah(angelina's character) and nick(who's acted by clive owen) wonders me. somehow, it makes no sense. in my opinion, fairy tales are more realistic. haha. ok, that's exaggerating. btw, why is cinderella on ice held during ramadhan?:( anyway, these two were attracted to each other when they first met eye-to-eye in sudan even though they did not say it. yeah, and also despite the fact that sarah was married. well, there're such words as unfaithful and affair. anyway, they met like 5 years later in cambodia where they made love. they got separated again. sarah had a daughter from him. erm, i doubt her husband knew that. around 9 years later, both met again in chechnya where sarah told him about their daughter and sarah died as she stepped into some bomb. she had written a letter to him, which she expressed her love for him. ok, it's really amazing that you love that person even though you meet him/her for only 3 times in your life. cool yet seems so unreal. well, i never know, it may exist. maybe. i don't believe in love at first sight. however, i am very closed to a married couple who met such way. still, i don't believe in it. in my opinion, you're first attracted to the person's physique, not the character or inner beauty whatever. how can you know that someone is the one for you from the first impression? so bedek. haha. rabiah macam faham je...hehe.

and only after i watched shall we dance? after such a long time, did i fall in love with richard gere again. whahaha. giler;P

i understand it hurts when your supposedly loved one does that to you. you know that you've done major sins to that person. hence, it's difficult for that person to forget those mistakes even though that person said you're forgiven. i know you ask why that person can't show at least show a few signs that that person has truly forgiven you. you claim you don't bother about that person but i strongly believe you care. that's why you can't stop thinking about it. it's almost like 4 years. why can't you get along with that person?

it's just...difficult.

ok, the haha, hehe and hee words seem irritating ;)

anyway, my thoughts are for you, MJ.

2009-06-24T16:58:00.016+08:00

read the msg from sch's website. our sch break will be extended for another week! hehe. but still, me and subgroup members need to meet up for icas and fyp. in addition we've to do the e-assignments.

i'm growing more fat:(

anyway, had a class outing to pulau ubin and bbq at downtown east chalet on last thurs. the last time i went to pulau ubin was either during my atc or obs. gosh, really miss those real camping days.

class bbq was ok. personally, i prefer the pulau ubin trip. i ate a lot!!! haha. nevertheless, we had fun, maybe the part we watched keliwon, and i believe our class is much more bonded now:) erm, yeah, i guess of course with some exceptional ppl. hee. and in order to get the $4/person thing from the sch, our lecturer came with the attendance list -_-

i hate that guilt-for-nothing feeling. like you think you've done sth wrong even though you can't think of what actual wrongdoing you've done. so you can't stop thinking abt it. you'd like to ask but you're scared of it. you keep thinking about it and your imaginations begin to run wild. and the end part of the story is it's actually nothing. erm, am i like making sense? nvm...

and i don't understand why singaporeans still do not get how the traffic lights work. the pedestrians must press the pedestrian button for the green man to light. if we don't press, the green man will not be shown and the duration of the vehicles' traffic red light will be shorter. hence, the time for the vehicles's traffic green light to be shown will be faster. and please, don't expect others to press the button. if you're the first person or the nearest one to the button, please press it. thank you. erm, understand? hehe.

can't wait for the outings with dearest sisters and cousins:)

2009-06-15T11:49:00.013+08:00

it's the first day of school break! and i've slept for almost 12 hours. haha. spending time with beloved family during the weekend was totally awesome. we're out like almost the whole 2 days. sat was the best as we went to the zoo. it's been like years since we'd last been there. hmm. a&w still existed then. dah lame or what? hee. it was quite tirying exploring almost the whole zoo. my sweat glands were extremely active. i'd love to explore more esp the rainforest kidzworld. we didn't make it there as typically, my sisters got exhausted. and abdul rahman was asleep. whatever it is, we really enjoy ourselves:)

the animals:)

us:)

i'm slacking at home for the whole day today...ok, i'm going out later but still. i'm slacking:) tmr my engine will start. hee.

2009-06-07T11:18:00.006+08:00

'we want nobody, nobody but 13!' haha. last wed, we had to do a very short video clip of our class. it will be featured on our graduation day. fast or what? haha. am i ready for the real working world when i'm still 19 years old? wait. in the first place, am i able to graduate 'on time'? God, somehow, it seems time speeds way too fast. or is it just me? hmmm. anyway, we, girls, had decided to wear dresses on that day. honestly, i was quite stressed out because of that. haha. i was told to wear maxi-dress, which i don't have. i do have some(like 3, i guess) floral dresses which i have not worn yet. i bought them cause i thought they look nice and cute. but i had forgotten that they won't look nice on me. i wore that black and white flowery dress but some claimed it's just a top, not a dress. haha. well, i'll try to wear at least 1 dress to school before we graduate.

and the next day, we had to take our napfa test. we're shocked when we got to know we had to take the test in less than 2 weeks' time when we were first told the news. most of us, including myself, lead a rather sedentary lifestyle. in addition, we have no pe at all. hence, we're not trained at all for the napfa test. the last time we took the test like at least 2-3 years ago. hmm. perhaps i'll give a feedback to the school to conduct a training session at least once/week for the year 3 students maybe 1 month before the test. so we won't have that shock. haha. frankly, i was shocked esp when i had to do the 5 stations. standing broad jump was a total horror. haha. i hate, hate, hate to do it. btw, that was my chanting behind the line before jumping. and obviously, it pulled my overall points down. i got a 2-points for it. actually, i thought i would do much worse. doing the inclined pull-ups was another challenge as well. haiz. that clearly shows what a weakling i am. haha. running or maybe, jogging, for the 2.4km one was a bit wth for me. i'm not really fond of jogging/running in the stadium. jogging/running in rounds with the same scenery is not my thing. haha. as if i always jog. but, overall, i got a silver award. it's not bad la for a very sedentary person like me. hehe. and i'm still having the cramps! but not as bad as yesterday.

holiday is coming real soon. but this also means dateline for fyp and prcp are coming real soon as well. well, i still have to enjoy myself though. already have plans for the 2-weeks break:) hehe. can't wait for our class bbq. it falls on mak's birthday:( but it's settled. we're celebrating it on another day:) she's turning 41! haha.

i need to save money!!! haha. i've been a rather spendthrift. kan fad? haha.

have i mentioned that abdul rahman simply loves to take pics? here are some:)

he's currently addicted to the song 'sorry, sorry'. whenever the song is played, he'll expect his sisters to dance with him -_-

and i'm currently loving this music video. boa's eat you up. actually, the song is quite old, like last year, but i just watched the mv.

anyway, has anyone seen the new poster from hpb to reinforce the importance of proper hand hygiene? it does make an impact on me cause it's seriously gross. it can be found at most bus-stops. the first time i saw that poster was at the bus-stop near hougang point. i really stood in front of the big poster like for a few mins. i guess. hee. honestly, i was, and still, grossed by it. haha.

what were you trying to imply by saying that? seriously, we really have to think before we speak and act. cause there're people, like me, who take things seriously.

yesterday is gone, tomorrow may never be mine. baik ah, ms evelyn! :)

this video is really funny! lol:D

2009-05-13T21:24:00.012+08:00

school has been ok(the building is extremely intact-_-) but not me. haha. i need to overcome this paranoia, easily get stressed out attitude of mine. not only that, i also have to realize that things won't always go according to my plan. i simply hate to put a cross and a sad face beside a task that i've planned to do on that day in my organizer. somehow, i feel there's no tmr and i, by hook or by crook, must finish that task. when i'm unable to do it, i'll complain on the next day, feeling very angry at myself for being such an a** in time-management. tsk tsk. whatever. will try to be more flexible:)

pics of me and malay gfs. we seem to enjoy ourselves during lab lessons. i think. haha.

i admit i do have a big nose :( in fact, i am big.

ok, stop it, rabiah. this body issue is seriously getting on my nerves yet i can't stop thinking and saying about it. what an irony. urgh!

i know that it is good that we set goals. but at times, we've to realize that goals that we set must be realistic. yes, nothing is impossible but there's a fine line. we'll tend to lose hope if we're unable to achieve those goals. perhaps we put such high hopes without realizing there's a word called limit. well, some may get more stronger and are able to pick themselves up and persevere to reach those dreams. while there're others who simply give up along the way. whatever it is, we have to know ourselves before setting the goals. just because others are doing it, we want to follow suit, assuming we can be like them. every individual is unique and special in his/her ways(what a cliche but it's true).

i just have to keep reminding myself that in order not to be high-hoper. is there a such word? hee.

anyway, my dear sister has made me get attracted to korean boybands esp ss501 and tvxq. haha. attracted? right. i feel bad towards arashi. whahaha. as if they care. hehe. hmm. i remember how i could go gaga over the popular boybands when i was in pri sch. backstreet boys, n'sync, westlife, a1 etc. now, they are like, erm, extinct. ok, not really. there're comebacks occasionally though. erm, i still listen to their rather old songs anyway. whatever it is, linkin park is the best band!!! :)

kim hyung joon!!! haha.

btw, on my way to sch, i saw this ite guy reading angels and demons.which reminds me to read dan brown's books again as i need to know the storyline prior to watching the movie. haha. somehow, the storylines besides the da vinci code's are not that significant. back to the guy. it's not surprising that he read. everyone reads. but i didn't expect what he did next. his book's already neatly wrapped up with plastic. when he's about to alight the bus, he placed a bookmark at the page where he stopped. then, he took out a medium popular plastic bag from his bag and put his book inside. after which, he folded the bag to fit the book nicely. cute or what? hehe. i was standing right in front of him so i was able to so-called observe him. haha. he's just too engrossed in his reading to notice me looking at him. ok, it's not that i always observe people in the bus. usually i'll either read a novel or do sudoku problems. but there're certain kinds of people whom i'd love to look at. haha. ok, it does sound wrong.

singapore has turned orange alert to yellow alert for the h1n1 virus. somehow, it reminds me of a movie i've watched. erm, i think it's ultraviolet. milla jovovich was the main character. erm, there's this scene when someone had escaped and the alarm went 'yellow alert, yellow alert...orange alert, orange alert...red alert, red alert'.

random.

2009-05-07T22:31:00.004+08:00

my life is a bore. nothing new. haha. that explains why i seldom update my blog. and i've stated that i'm not an interesting person. haha. whatever. urgh, my brain simply cannot stop thinking about the icas and fyp. and my rapid weight gain. somehow, i feel i'm not prepared at all for yr3. my brain has not yet switched to the serious, focused mode. i feel i'm such a lazy person.

btw, this morning in the bus on my way to sch, i watched a chinese guy in the army uniform sneezing with disgust. well, he had done his part not to spread the germs to the public by covering his nose and mouth. but with his bare hands! i could see the flam on his palms and he wiped it on his uniform. eww, eww, eww. ok, it's definitely not about the paranoia of the h1n1 virus flu. it is just basic hygiene. he sneezed several times, doing that. and i couldn't stop looking as he's just sitting opposite of me. yeah, i did pity him a bit cause he looked tired and sick. however, he should bring at least a 20-cents packet of tissues. most of the times, he closed his eyes, maybe trying to catch some power nap. ok, actually i was telling myself that so that i won't feel guilty looking at him like that. and out of the blue, i offered him a packet of scott tissues and a ntuc antibacterial tissue wipe. haha. don't ask me how but that act came volunteerily. most probably because i couldn't stand it any longer so i'd better stop his doing. haha.

there seems to be a lot of 'somehow' and 'like'.

the aware saga caught my attention for a while. i have a lot of comments but i'm too lazy to type. haha. just hope the new exco members will run their jobs well.

i miss chester bennington. and his veins. haha.

and i kinda can imagine chester singing this song(rescue by kattun). nakamaru caught my eyes. hehe. anyway, these guys need to buck up their english pronounciations. haha. i'm like a kettle calling the pot black.

i'm trying my very best to change this filthy heart of mine. i feel i am a very big sinner, a very bad muslimah. and please, rabiah, try to change your feaking mindset.

i'm feeling green with envy. urgh!

2009-04-19T00:27:00.013+08:00

sch is starting really soon! and i definitely can't wait for it. just discussed that we're still going to sit at the same spot of the lecture hall. hehe. typically, we don't have the lecture notes for all the modules. and i don't have the notes for the very first lecture. very good. ooh, and there's a new coffee shop in sch. erm, not a correct term. there's a cafe at the pathway of the sch's entrance. gosh...no way. coffee is my weakness...

last thurs, i went to watch 17 again with athena, suxin and benjamin. initially, i thought i won't really like the show except that i'd only enjoy drooling at zac. haha however, the movie proved me wrong. we did enjoy watching the hilarious-predictable-heartwarming show. ned is seriously funny. haha. so i guess it's worth the money. btw, won't forget the time we went to the wrong theatre hall and found ourselves catch the trailer of jangan tegur. haha.

one word for zac: veryhotandgoodlooking. haha. i hate him in hsm. and his vanessa.

thanks, athena, for the pics! can't wait to meet logan. lol. hope the rest can come:)

oh, i can't wait to catch hannah montana the movie. haha. stop rolling eyes or making funny faces, people. haha. i've to admit i enjoy watching the series of hannah montana. btw, okto and channel 5 are quite slow. 8tv has finished the newest season of hannah montana and i'm currently religiously watching ugly betty season 3 every sat. totally love that show! it's getting better and better. betty and amanda, the dynamic duo. as mentioned by daniel. haha. and i'm quite frustrated with rafika. erm, an indonesian cinetron. when will it ever end?! there are simply too may problems. when a problem has solved, out come another problem. me and mak always feel cheated when we think the show is ending very soon. and i still wanna continue watching it. urgh! haha.

i was deleting redundant pics in my laptop when i came across the pics taken when we were in sec 3-4. hmm, i think suxin looks quite different due to her loss of weight. but we look pretty much the same though. i don't know if it's something good or bad. well, to be honest, i would like to be different. recently, i stumbled upon a blog of my former classmate. man, i almost couldn't recognize her. she looks totally different! she dresses up, wears contact lenses, maybe loses some weight and goes clubbing. a far cry from a nerdy-looking girl who wore shirt and bermudas. she and her other friends, who are also my former classmates, appeared to have unleashed their wild side. i did feel they're a teeny weeny bit like hypocrites. haha. apparently, they didn't(maybe don't) really like us due to our loudness. oh, can't believe that we were actually the 'in' group back then. haha. still feel a bit pissed off to know the reason why they didn't wanna to come for the gathering. and look at them now. i believe we're more goody-goody than them. haha. like whatever, rabiah. hehe. but i can't lie to myself that i do wanna be like that former classmate of mine. erm, to be different. like lose more weight. the slim rabiah. haha. yeah, right. as if. people are still able to recognize me despite the tudong. but then, what kind of different is better? i don't know. most of the times, i do feel bored of myself. like there's nothing interesting about me. like i'm a kind of person who will be very easily forgotten...

btw, i'm rather hurt. haha. ok. actually, i'm kinda offended by someone's comment on nursing. this former schoolmate of mine has mentioned that nursing is meant for no-brainers. when i first heard it(unfortunately, not directly from her mouth), i wished that one fine day, she'll meet an accident and get so ill that she has to be admitted in the hospital. only then will she appreciate nurses. if only she has a heart to feel appreciation. Astaghfirullah... what kind of nurse am i to make such a wish? ok, i don't mean it. maybe a bit. hehe. well, i'm not going to state that i don't care and bother with that comment. i do care and bother. or else, i won't get angry initially and blog it. but i do hope that she'll realise how very, very wrong she is. ok, she thinks we have no brains. but at least we have a heart unlike her. hmm. i wonder, if she could say such a thing to nurses, what her comments will be on cleaners, maids? ok. i'm rather tired with these negativity associating with nursing. it is a noble yet a non-prestige job. dirty job, huh? whatever la. of course, we cannot expect appreciations. whatever it is, it is the heart that matters. all we shoud have is sincerity in doing our job well. they may not thank us but at least we've played a part in their lives in a good way:)

ok, rabiah mcm faham je. hehe.

i feel like complaining. my butt is getting enormous. my thighs are geting wider. my teeth is getting yellower. my cheeks are getting chubbier. my face is getting more zits. and when the heck will you ever learn and start to bersyukor, rabiah?! anyway, i would like to know who the hell the photographer is who took such a closed-up view of my butt.

2009-04-15T01:36:00.012+08:00

during this holiday, i've this habit of sleeping very late till like 3-4 plus in the morning, wake up at 6 plus to have a short wash-up and solat suboh (ok, i gotta admit that at times, the syaitan pee at my face.), sleep after solating only to wake up like at 10 plus or even after 11. it's very unhealthy, isn't it? speaking of unhealthy, i'm definitely becoming more unhealthy. gosh, when can i ever stop this? anyway, it seems to be my body clock for this break. i hope i'm able to adjust it when school reopens. only after i've checked the schedule did i realise that lesson starts at 0800 from mon to fri. cool or what. oh, somehow i've started this 'cool or what' saying. i used to be irritated whenever zawani mentioned that line. now, why am i saying it? haha. and we're taking 3 bloody adult nursing modules. 3?!! i can't even handle 1 and i'm gonna study 3 soon. very good. and why must we take national education as a module with no credit? i'm ok with ne but let it have at least 1 credit to make it more worth it. so, my dear lecturers, please anticipate poor attendance for this module. and finally, i'm in the final year.

i am the nursing student with the red sticker. like what ms barbara told us, "y'll are in the redness stage." am i ready for it? am i able to pull through this final lap of this course? do i have the courage and willpower to cope with the pressure? will i pass this course with flying colours? will i be a good nurse? will i have the capability and willingness to further my studies? these are several of the questions which are frequently playing in my mind. Ya Allah, i extremely hope i can go through this smoothly in spite of the many obstacles i know i'm going to face along the journey. InsyaAllah...

i just wanna make mak happy. i know she's now very worried for sa'adah who's sitting for her os this year. i can see that sa'adah wants to work hard in order to get to her prefered diploma course. to be honest, i've never seen her that hardworking before. however, she is very lack of strength and faith. she has this negative mindset that she's not going to make it. she fears for the worst and is skeptical of her results. ok, and that kinda sounds like me. rabiah, what kind of kakak are you? i admit i've not been a good role model for my sisters. and i'm not going to state the negative things about myself cause they're too many to type. but i do hope sa'adah can pull it off. i doubt things will be better if she continues to cry almost every night. i really want her to be strong, not as weak as me. InsyaAllah, sa'adah is able to achieve her dream if she believes in herself. and i've to change for the better. urgh, why do i feel it's difficult?

and i'm also worried for safiah. i'm worried for her future. she is just too relaxed in her studies. most of the times, i'm really irked with her too carefree attitude. and most of the times, i nag at her. not surprisingly, the nagging apparently has been falling to deaf ears. but she does have her good sides, of course. i don't think i can be as religious as her. hee.

sape tak sayang adek kan? :)

hmm, i kinda like eminem's new music video, we made you. it's extremely rude but yeah, hilarious. haha. that fellow never changes. if he thinks kim's butt is big, he should have seen mine. only then, will he understand what massive glutious maximus actually means.

i've been listening to the old school songs. haha. malay songs from the 70s as well as songs we used to listen back in sec sch days. erm, like songs from the black eyed peas. remember pump it? haha.

j mizan's kalau ku bayangkan:)

ooh, i've watched susuk and read its novel as well. surprisingly, i prefer the movie. it's not scary la. erm, except maybe for the scene when the student nurse heard the deceased pleading her to sing a song. imagine myself in her shoes. alone with the body. i guess i would go speechless and...entah. but the storyline is good. it's much better than congkak and jangan pandang belakang. only after i watched it twice did i finally understand the storyline. actually, it's better to read the novel first in order to understand who this dewangga guy is. and dewangga is so... charismatic. haha. giler ;P

2009-03-29T01:06:00.009+08:00

i've been in hiatus for a rather long time. well, busy and lazy as usual. hee.

finally, it's going to be the last week of attachment. and i've not started the homework yet. and i'm going out tmr. very good. btw, had a really great time watching disney princesses on ice with athena. you just know that one of ariel's sisters is called athena? haha. hmm. i don't know why but i simply love the princesses. call me childish or whatsoever. i simply love the stories. i don't feel bored watching the movies for umpteeen times. i don't feel embarrassed that i can memorize most of the lines. haha. and it's not that i'm longing for a fairy tale to occur in my life. b.s. come on, there's a kid in me ok. maybe in everyone. betol kan, yati? haha. at times, i'm baffled with people's comments. some comment that i'm too serious yet others don't really like the fact i adore the princesses. haiz, haiz, haiz. whatever la ye.

here are some of the video clips i took from the show. would like to apologize for my extreme unskillful video taking and the bad quality. decided not to post all the videos due to the long duration of uploading. ain't that patient. if you'd like to view pictures of the show, do go to http://old-world-charms.blogspot.com/ athena has posted lots of really good pics of it:) thanks a lot!

and Alhamdullilah(33x) i was taken by surprise when i received my results. honestly, i didn't expect it. now, i have to complete my nazar. so what shall i treat myself? hehe. btw, congrats to athena for receiving the acceptance letter to nus fass:)

i miss school la... really appreciate those times in xps, bwss and nyp. ok, i act as if i've already graduated from nyp while i'm still have to go through another year. haha.

i hate this. and i'm very sorry that i can't help it:( no matter how many times mak has been giving me this advice, it still falls to deaf ears. it's not easy ok. and i didn't expect to receive the similar talks from others as well. is it that obvious?! i'll try my very best to change ok. but...it's difficult. urgh! i can't feel this way. it's wrong and definitely not good.

oh. my handphone fell into the toilet bowl. again. ape nak jadi ni? this phone has been dropping a lot of times. and thanks to the owner. even though i was quick enough to rescue it and dry the batt, my handphone is still spoilt. well, it can be used but i can no longer take pics and video clips:( erm, should i buy a new phone? hehe.

abdul rahman never fails to make my day:)

2009-03-08T22:45:00.013+08:00

i have turned 19 as according to the hijrah calendar. Alhamdullilah, i'm still alive to bertaubat. so, perhaps one of the reasons i'm named rabiah is i'm borned in the month of rabiu'lawal. i feel so old being 19. tsk tsk. hee. ok, i'm extremely bored. hmm, i think i'm just being trained to become a housewife during this break. hehe. ok, that's not really true as i'm still very sucked in cooking. oh, cheng san library seems to be my second home for this break. almost everyday, i'll go there to read. haha. gosh, i even hide books which i haven't finished reading for the day. haha. i'm back reading malay novels again. i miss my malay lessons in bowen. could never forget when i wrote 5 karangans in 1 day and handed in those assignments to cikgu on the next day. actually, i misunderstood her instructions. but well, i got good marks for them. haha. whatever la, rabiah. btw, i'm rather upset that tahu nahu doesn't win for the best children's show award for pesta perdana. haha. oh, cepat tepat is a great show. those kids seriously need to buck up their malay language. haha. haiz, those days in bowen are simply unforgettable. ok, now, i'm missing being in school, both bowen and nyp. and my friends :(

btw, congrats to my friends who have done well for the a-level results. hope you'll go to your prefered course in uni. and athena, i'm sorry that i don't really understand this jc stuff. hehe. however, it's my pleasure to be your listening ear. so, hope we can enjoy ourselves on this fri :)

i don't really spend my time for this break wisely. in spite of my need to lose weight, i'm still continue enjoying myself in such a sedentary and you may call it boring lifestyle. these are what i do on a typical day. wake up. shower. solat. eat. do household chores. eat. attend to abdul rahman, always. as i've mentioned before, i'm training myself to become a housewife. mak simply loves having me around at home. watch dvd movies. yeah, i've been watching disney princesses' movies for umpteen times. it's never too old to watch these disney classics. and i need to buy the lion king 1 dvd. ooh, and malay classics movies esp those with the late nordin ahmad and latifah omar as the hero and heroine. hee. btw, i can't believe i laughed till my head off when i was watching seniman bujang lapok on one fine day. ok, my head is still intact. watch movies online. eat. read today, my paper, berita harian and both eng and malay novels. i can only manage to shake my head and go tsk tsk if my general knowledge still sucks. complete the sudoku puzzles in today and my paper as well as some from my sudoku book 3. eat. spend time in hougang mall. eat. watch the construction workers gradually demolish the buildings behind our flat with mak by the kitchen window. apparently, mak seems to be awed with their work. she'll report to us how low the buildings are. haha. eat. have chatting session with mak. somehow, we never run out of topics to talk. eat. sleep.

i've been repeating the word 'eat' several times. so, people, please be prepared to see the very chubby rabiah!O-_-O

before

after

to be honest, i'm really anxious for my exam results. it'll be out on the 17th of march. of course, the feelings ain't the same like those who were waiting for the a-level results. but results are still results. somehow, they determine your future. and oddly, i can't wait for attachment.

2009-02-20T18:31:00.009+08:00

finally, the exam is over. i hate that i am an exam procrastinator. rabiah simply can't get done over the fact that the exam is over and there's nothing to be done except tawakkal. and no one is borned a procrastinator. one makes him/herself so :(

now that i'm having a 3-week break, i should make use of it. haha. will be in year 3 soon! and i extremely hope i can pass all my papers... InsyaAllah. i can't afford to retake. anyway, i badly need to lose weight. i have gained a lot of weight due to my sedentary lifestyle. i've been munching a lot of junkies due to supposedly stress of attachment and exam. haiz. i need to stop this unhealthy lifestyle before i can't fit in any of my clothings. hee. ok, when should i hit the gym?

at times, i'm not sure if i am really into nursing. last attachment was a wake-up call. being a nurse is not as easy as what people think. come on, real lifes are in our hands. i hate it when i am asked why i joined nursing, which even a 28-pointer can join. and just recently, someone irked me by commenting why on earth i joined nursing and not enrolled myself in jc. whatever la. even graduated jc students join nursing. ok, what a mature response, rabiah. well, i do like nursing as it really makes your day when you've done your part in helping the patients. that's the up point about nursing. if not for the patients, i don't think i can hold on. and Alhamdullilah, i'm grateful that i've secured myself a job even though i've to serve 3-years bond at ttsh. all this talk about recession does scare me. about 51% of universities students afraid of graduating over a fear of stepping into shaky, unstable working world. the seniors are afraid of being laid off. and retrenchment rate is increasing. how are the family members of the 'economy downturn victims' feel? bapak has been retrenched before so perhaps i can understand how they feel. it's not easy especially if that someone is the sole breadwinner of the family? bapak lost a lot weight during that period, obviously worrying about the future. now he has gained weight. hehe. yeah, he's now happy with his job. i'm glad that i do ease bapak's heavy burden on his shoulders even if it's a small bag of pebbles. he somehow no longer has to touch my school life. erm, i mean he doesn't have to worry about it. the sponsorship money i receive from ttsh has lightened the family's problem. yeah, to be frank, i do feel pressurized with the sponsorship. it is the pushing factor for me to work very hard in nursing. at times, when i feel like quitting, this factor is the 2nd most biggest barrier besides my family. i won't want to turn my family down esp mak. and money makes the world go round esp in s'pore. ok, besides certificates.

have i mentioned i love my azam kids? the new kids are much better. not as nakal as the last year's. haha. ok, that's evil. shouldn't say that. these kids need mentors to guide them to the right path. seriously.

i wonder how on earth i could get an a for my malay in os when i just learned that 'berdikari' stands for 'berdiri di atas kaki sendiri' from tahu-nahu?!!

can't wait to watch dvds of my disney princesses :) ooh. and i love to go to the guardian shop. songs from the disney princess' movies are always played :)

what is my dream?

2009-01-17T11:56:00.005+08:00

well, i feel guilty to post but i feel like posting. ha. wth. i am multitasking, of course. have to do freaking assignments. haiz, haiz, haiz.

i miss school. extremely. hmm. that's why bapak did mention that we've to appreciate our school days cause life is definitely not going to be the same when we step in the working world. and i never fail to miss my family when i'm out for attachment.

ok. it's not that i dislike going for attachment. it's my fault that i am so not prepared. it's my fault that i am not good in skills. somehow, my hands seem so hard. it's my fault that i fail to apply my theory in practice. hmm. obviously, i've high self attribution.

really hope that next 3 weeks will be much better. InsyaAllah...

enough. haha. can't wait to watch disney princesses on ice on the 13th of march!!!

and my azam kids are so cute. hehe.

2009-01-11T17:28:00.014+08:00

got to find out that there'll be a remake of the ending of 'little nyonya'. i knew it. haha. singaporeans, as usual, had complained that the ending was, erm, not a happy ending. most expected that yueniang and xin-er would be together at last. some even commented that why there were descendents of the evil guys, charlie and robert zhang and why yueniang, the good one, had no descendents. dah di dah di dah. hee. well, i did expect yueniang and xin-er met when they were old. but i was disappointed there were no scenes on what had happened to the rest after yueniang got the huangs house esp yuzhu. was she like forever mad and did she stay in the mental hospital until she passed away? hmm, let's see what the new ending will be.

i love the show due to its featuring of the baba peranakan culture. the costumes, the food! i've been eating the malay and nyonya kuehs since, erm, young. haha. totally love them. bingka ubi, ondeh-ondeh, harom manis, kueh lopes, puteri salat, kueh kaswi, talam ubi, talam keladi, nagasari pisang, nagasari jagong... my gosh, they're simply mouth-watering. nani used to love to wear either kebaya panjang or nyonya kebaya. arwah nenek also wore kebaya pendek. my sis usually buys kebaya pendek and nyonya kebaya for hari raya. i can never wear any kebayas :( i remember watching the old recordings of 'dondang sayang'.....yesterday, saw a lady wore kebaya nyonya. read the sunday times, learning that the nyonya kebaya fashion is in and more people have started to order the nyonya kuehs for cny. kinda obvious that 'little nyonya' has popularised the culture. i hope that the new baba peranakan generation will always appreciate, cherish and continue their beautiful culture. it's a waste if it is only a fad.

was surprised to find out that the chinese actually married the malays in melaka. all this while, i thought that the chinese lived in melaka and adapted to the malay culture. wondered how the malays ate babi ponteh. hehe. not surprising as back then, islamic religion was not widely spread to the malays. but mak and sharifa claimed that most probably the malays were indonesian batak. can be since baju kebaya originates from indonesians. erm, anything la ye.

haha. can't believe that me and my sis actually went to watch them at compass point. well, coincidentally, we did plan to go to compass point due to our cravings of hokkien mee, kway teow, popiah... hee. excuses.

selamat pengantin baru, cik lan and cik mia! :)

my attachment starts tmr!

2009-01-01T22:14:00.010+08:00

gosh, my blog is sooo dead. haha. yeah, it's not that i'm busy. i'm just plain lazy. sometimes i feel like deleting this blog but sayang pulak. hehe. it's new year for both hijrah and masihi calendars. it's muharram and january. so Salam Awal Muharram and Happy New Year:) resolutions? stick to my last year's resolutions. hehe. well, at least, be a better person than last year. InsyaAllah.

i feel like posting pics but typical lazy rabiah feels lazy to do so. haiz. my 2-week break was fine. i guess. did projects. nizam got married, Alhamdulillah. welcomed cik lan's future wife and family from palembang. well, they're getting married tmr.(gasp! i can't believe that he is finally settling down.) oh, btw, my apology to hidayah as i'm not able to attend your wedding this sun since i've to help out for cik lan's wedding. an advanced congrats and semoga perkahwinanmu kekal hingga ke syurga, InsyaAllah. erm, outings with the palembang folks. went out with family. shopped with sisters and cousins. sa'adah got promoted to sec5, Alhamdullilah. but she had better study hard and smart for her Os. watched movies with former 4e1 classmates:) ate lots of chocolates esp during christmas (i didn't celebrate but was just invited, that's all.) cadbury dark chocolates are mind-blowing. and gained weight. had my body fats analysed. urgh. eww.

i can't wait for test and projects to be over. but i'm going for 4-weeks attachment at ttsh next 2 weeks. and right after that, i'll sit for my yr2sem2 exams! am i ready to be a yr3 nursing student? am i prepared for fyp and prcp? now, ms aisyah's stories are playing in my mind.

hope we can go through this smoothly. InsyaAllah...

i've to self declare this. rabiah is a dependent variable and coffee(most esp capparoma) is an independent variable.

bella: death is peaceful. life is harder.

not.

2008-12-10T12:57:00.001+08:00

I HATE MYSELF.
TOTALLY.
EXTREMELY.

what is wrong with me?!

2008-11-09T08:49:00.013+08:00

i was reading fad's blog when i saw a pic of her when she was an innocent 7-year-old girl. hehe. ok, you're still innocent, fad. hee:) it made me wanna look back at the pictures when i was really young then. from an infant to a primary 4 girl, when i was wearing long pinafore with a pair of high socks. haha. only after i reflected my back days then, did i realise how true freud is. fixation occurs when we develop personality traits and behaviour associated with our earlier stage. somehow, our experiences during childhood influence what we are today. we may not realise it but if we look back, there is a link between how we are shaped during childhood and our experiences and how we behave and our personalities and attitudes today. perhaps the evidence can be obviously seen in mental disorders and criminal cases. so there is an alternative hypothesis. haha. however sadly, i guess i do have fixation. i hate to admit i hold grudges and tend to remember more of the bad events in my life. i would not like to remember my kindegarten life but it always plays in my mind almost every day. yeah, i was a so-called bright child back then but i did have unforgettable bad memories. if you are very closed to me and know what kind of person i am, perhaps you can guess what might happen back then. that similar experience did occur when i was in pri sch. and somehow, these experiences shape what i am today... so is it a bad thing? i don't know, honestly. perhaps it is bad if i can be considered as a bad person. haiz...

anyway, forget those stuff. i do receive comments that i look like abdul rahman. and mak even mentioned that i looked so much like abdul rahman when i was a toddler. hmmm. so let's compare who is cuter. hehe:)

haha. so who is cuter? haha. what i definitely know are i am seriously very chubby and have small eyes. O*_*O

sesungguhnya manusia diciptakan akal untuk berfikir dan menilai mana yang baik dan buruk...

2008-11-07T21:44:00.007+08:00

i actually planned to study but well, i guess a few mins of blogging won't do any harm. hehe.

well, should i congratulate barrack obama for winning the election? haha. the states has definitely made a major history of having the first black president. surprisingly, the election margin is huge. i was expecting a tight competition between obama and mccain. however, as usual, the people of the states never fail to surprise us. so should i congratulate obama? haha. he has achieved his dream so yeah, good for him. all i hope that he can fulfill the promises he has given to the country and will do something about the trash bush has left him to settle. and i am curious. why do we care about the election? haha. studies have shown that the americans have the low general knowledge regarding the world yet the world is watching them. when the shares in us dropped, the world shook due to financial crisis as if it is the beginning of the great depression. so see how influential the states is. from entertainment to fashion to media to politics to the finance. hmm... and i wonder where the heck is osama? haha. random.

the reflection i get of myself for the past 4 weeks is i am a big sinner. totally. honestly, for this sem, i believe i have committed more sins than ever. Astaghfirullah... i guess i am kinda emotional and tend not to act rationally. ok, not kinda. hmmm. when will rabiah ever grow up?

anyway, daniel meade is sweet... hehe:p

the id hates me for doing that.

2008-11-05T22:33:00.004+08:00

well, the voice inside me is nagging at me for wanting to blog. but still, i need to distress myself. haha. perhaps it's one of my coping strategies. as i am typing this post, i can hear mak and sisters watching 'grease 2'. speaking of grease, till now, i couldn't believe that i had spent $10 on hsm3. seriously, it's like totally not worth it at all. grease is so, so, so much better than it. thank goodness, ashley tisdale and lucas acted in the movie:) and perhaps, they should change the title to 'the tale of troy and gabriella in high school'. haha. and the stupid part of me was i knew it all along that it won't be good. well, everyone does experience hindsight bias. haha. it's so contradicting. i have not been liking hsm yet i watched it. i dislike vanessa yet i watched her movie. haha. i was having this cognitive dissonance. hee. gosh, rabiah, what's up with those terms? and it's absolutely no use to complain. tsk tsk. however, there's a hikmah, of course. nani's granddaughters really enjoyed themselves on last sat at vivocity:)

we went to solat at masjid temenggong where there is a makam of the late temenggong.

but i won't forget troy's line to gabriella, "we're graduating. nothing is going to slow down." so true. my jc pals are now sitting for their major exam and i think they can't believe how speedy the 2 years they spent in sch. as for me, i can't believe that we're going to be the seniors in next sem. and the major event in our course, prcp, is going to be fast. i really hope i can cope. InsyaAllah...

anyway, let's talk about the daily uplifts. haha. we had an activity during our ppr tutorial. the topic was on labelling. the lesson learnt is how labelling can make an impact to the individual and the perceivers. just a name can affect one's reputation and self. the game was a headband activity which each of us was given a label and we weren't aware of what the label was. we should try to guess what our label was based on the others' responses and reactions towards us. and guess what was my label?

garbage collector

2008-10-31T14:05:00.004+08:00

ms theresa just mentioned in class this morning that ignorance is not a privilege. well, it certainly applies in most aspects of our lives. it can be very annoying if people simply act ignorant as if nothing is happening. however, at times, i wish i don't study pharmaco. haha. before i joined nursing, i didn't really bother the medications that the dr would prescribe me when i got sick. all i knew was i had to take them in order to get better. but now, i will either look up for the medications in the nursing drug guide book or the mims online. and i, typical rabiah, will get kinda paranoid when i learn about the adrs. hehe. i was surprised that i have been under corticosteroids whenever i get sick. this is due to the fact that i've medical history of asthma. when the dr reminded me that i had h/o asthma, i ignorantly said that mine is just a mild one. and he gave me that look, emphasizing asthma is asthma. hee. and i don't like that i've to take dexa. come on, steroids are derived from fats. gosh, what kind of nursing student am i? tsk, tsk.

i seriously have to plan my schedule well. or else the task demands that i'm gonna face may exceed my ability to cope. InsyaAllah, i am able to cope and enjoy myself being a nursing student. we can do it, my friends:) and all the very best to my pals who're taking their a-level papers!

ooh...finally i'm going to watch a movie at a cinema tmr:)

the ego in me keeps telling me not to fall again. just stop it.

2008-10-28T20:30:00.003+08:00

if you've read my previous post, perhaps you'll see that there's something missing. well, obviously, i have deleted one excerpt of the post. i guess it's too personal. and coincidentally, i was feeling emo that period of time. haha. come on, there are times when you're a bit feeling and in subconscious mind, you tend to do things that you don't usually do. remember that oxytoxin hormone? hee. however, i admit i am wrong to involve those who are gone. my sincere apology for that. May Allah bless her soul. Amin. so yeah, please don't take what i've mentioned in that particular excerpt seriously. those people who are closed to me know what kind of person i am. they know what my priorities are. i am 18 and i am still young. i have my own goals which i would like to achieve. so having a serious relationship is definitely not one of them yet. i know what things i have to prioritise accordingly in my life. so don't be worry. InsyaAllah, i can take care of myself. and i am able to control myself. InsyaAllah.

anyway, thanks for the concern:)

2008-10-26T21:27:00.003+08:00

i was actually quite excited that news did sing for one of my fav animes, one piece. but the band only sang for the movie's theme song. but still:)

anyway, school is rather fine. as i expected, icas are already in line for us. and the lecturers have already mentioned about exams when they are still like in 17 weeks' time. but still, time passes very fast. speaking of exams, i hate to admit that i am very disappointed that i am not one of the students who are in the deen's list. however, only after i reflected back did i realise it is actually my mistake. as i think i've mentioned before, i studied too last minute for the sem1 exam(which is like 1 day before the paper) and was very surprised to know that my gpa is still above 3. and perhaps i got my balasan for mengumpating the guy who got the cert. haha. so serve me right. it's a cliche that students will swear that they won't study last minute and will study harder for the next exam. and since it's a cliche, i'm doing it. haha. InsyaAllah, i will do much better and please, i would like to improve my skills.

i can't believe that i'm going to listen to vanessa's voice on this saturday. eww... i had better bring some cotton wool. whahaha. ok, that's rather bad la. and i'm addicted to http://www.miniclip.com:)

2008-10-15T00:44:00.008+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI! :)

2008-09-19T22:11:00.004+08:00

InsyaAllah, just 11 more days, we're going to celebrate our fasting victory on the 1st day of syawal. woo hoo. can't wait for hari raya. hehe. even though, i've to go for imh attachment on the 2nd and 3rd days. but well, mak did remind me that when i'm in a working world, i'll also work on public hols as well. so, perhaps, this is like a minor preparation for me. hehe. i know i've been saying this like lots of times but i just wanna say it again. how time flies. seriously. i was quite shocked when bapak reminded us that we had to recite doa qunut on the last rakaat of solat witir. ok, that means it's already 15th day of ramadhan. ooh, and 17th day is nuzul al-quran. gosh, how time really flies. today is supposedly the 20th. then, the 21st, 23rd and 25th are lailatul qadar. oh, that means just 5 more days away to syawal! haha. burok la, rabiah. countdowning hari raya but amalan is still a speck of dust. Astaghfirullah... anyway, tmr i'm going to bake chocolate chip+almond cookies. i've baked kueh tarts last sun! honestly, i made them myself but mak did help me during the baking part. i'm still unable to know whether the kuehs have really baked or not. hee.

mak commented that the kuehs are much better than last year's. the pineapple paste is quite soft. haha, last year's was like super hard. sorry la, it was my first time baking them myself. but still, i managed to overcome the failure for this year. InsyaAllah. even though i still my kuehs are not that nice. somehow, i feel they are too soft. humans never feel satisfied. haha. after baking the cookies, i'm going to bake bantal pelok saloma(late nenek's most favourite kueh!) and honey cornflakes. InsyaAllah...

just now was my last day at bedok poly. and it was my first attachment wearing pant suit! at last, i felt like tutup aurat. hehe. fhs was ok in spite of the fact that observation is pretty boring. but frankly, i've learnt a lot of things regarding the outpatient health services and care. the staff are quite friendly and approcable. i esp love dressing room. at least, i managed to help around. helping to prepare the dressing set, cleaning the room and topping up the stocks were really fine for me. rather than standing around like a fat lamp post. haha. really appreciate the staff for helping us gain knowledge and ms ng rocks! haha. i really can't remember how our briefing on fhs could sidetrack to relationships like bgr and marriage. hee. she even could give us tips on how to find mr right! haha. oh, and i did have fun with my new nyp collegues:)

i'm rather disappointed with my results. my gpa did drop. but as i've mentioned before, i've to be prepared for the worst. in the end of the day, it's my fault. and i've to improve myself in order to get better results. hmm. rabiah seems to be rather optimstic, huh? :P

ps: i simply love eating dendengs during the fasting month. the new flavour ayam chilli is simply delicious! hehe. and have i mentioned that my phone dropped in a toilet bowl? Alhamdullilah, it can still be used. and no worries, i've cleaned my phone with alcohol swabs and sprayed perfume on it:)

2008-09-10T00:32:00.004+08:00

Ahla Wa Sahla, Ramadhan!
ok, i know it's the 10th day of ramadhan and i should have welcomed the holy month 10 days ago. but still. Alhamdullilah, i'm still alive to celebrate this month and hopefully, i'm able to enjoy our victory on syawal. InsyaAllah. haha, can't wait for hari raya:) oh, i've bought baju kurong for the first day. maroon is our theme colour. and i need to buy more baju kurongs esp a black one.
anyway, i really hope that this month will bring a change in me. InsyaAllah. make me be a better person. make me be a better muslimah. make me someone whom my parents will be proud of. make me someone who shares her smiles and laughters to everyone. and please, make me someone who is able to control her anger. Astaghfirullah...yes, i tend to get angry quite easily. and worse, i hold grudges. man, this gotta change. it hurts to know that my heart is full of filth... and it hurts more when the evil in me refuses to go.

hmm. somehow, i can't wait for attachment. at least, something new to do. i've been stuck at home most of the time. talk, babysit rahman, sleep, watch tv, do household chores, surf the net, read books. yeah, that's about it. oh, and of course, eat at the 'legal' times. some of my friends have started their attachments. in fact, there are several who are going to end theirs by this week. at times, i feel it's better to start attachments right after end of exams.

i am bored. seriously. i tend to sleep quite late. but Alhamdullilah, still manage to wake up for sahur and suboh. and obviously, i will hit my bed after that. this is random. i dislike to watch the new suria drama, jalan pulang. i don't really like to watch shows featuring the negativities of the malays. honestly, i'm ok with those but lately, it's becoming too much. once again, suria makes a drama on, again, pakciks who don't fast. i thought those kind of stories have been shown before. i miss those soapy ramadhan dramas. or is it just me being plain sensitive? surprise, surprise. i've been borrowing english and malay love novels. and another surprise, most of the books are in malay. i've been listening to not-that-new malay love songs like jangan pisahkan and dua insan as well as japanese songs such as truth and heavenly days. ooh, ninomiya is super cute! random. and i've been watching malay classic movies like laila majnun and gurindam jiwa. omg, what is wrong with me? whahaha.

enough of this mushy thing. it irks me sometimes. anyway, congrats to britney for her 3 mtv video music awards. woo hoo. haha. finally, she seems to be back. yeah, i'm a fan of britney. but well, life is full of ups and downs. so, can't put high hopes on someone, huh? ok, feel like gossiping. *habis, pahala puasa* hehe. just a few days ago, i read this magazine that hilary duff has gained weight. oh ya, she seriously has. and, ehem, she looked so much better when she was in her 'lizzie mcguire' body. but well, that pic was taken like 2 months ago. who knows, she is trying to lose weight now. and seriously, i have to lose weight. urgh!

based on what i've posted for the last few paragraphs have kinda clearly indicated that i'm still not sleepy and i'm bored. haha. ok, to be frank, somehow, i can't wait for the sem1 exam results. and ya, i do miss my nyp girlfriends and dbcta.

2008-08-26T14:52:00.003+08:00

i've been a potato couch. haha. somehow, i just wanna slack at home, watching tv, eating, reading and surfing the net. really. i can be a very lazy pig. anyway, i read this article from my paper, written by geoff tan. actually, this article was published on the 14th of august. i'm keeping the article cause i found it rather inspiring. its topic was on staying positive. geoff talked about his friend, alfred, who is constantly grateful for the blessings God has given him in spite of the problems he faces. what the author(and me as well) learnt from his friend is instead of just harping on and pining over the uncertainties of life, what is more important is the attitude we adopt when difficult situations arise. hmm, true. another part of the article was on a story. perhaps, most have heard this story regarding a donkey which fell into the wall. i've not heard it for a long time so i decided to post it down:)

a farmer's donkey fell into a well. the animal cried while the farmer tried to figure out what to do. finally, he decided that the animal was too old and the well needed to be covered up anyway. hence, he asked his neighbours to help him shovel dirt into the well. upon realising what was happening, the donkey wailed horribly. then, to everyone's surprise, it quitened down. a few shovel loads later, the farmer looked into the well and was astonished at what he saw. with every shovel of dirt that hit its back, the donkey would shake it off and take a step up. this continued as more and more dirt was shovelled into the well. finally, to everyone's amazement, the donkey stepped over the edge of the well and trotted off happily.

and i simply love what geoff summed up his article.
life is going to shovel all kinds of dirt on you and me. each of our troubles represents a stepping stone. the trick to getting out of a deep hole is to look at the positive side of the things; never give up, shake off the dirt and take a step up.

if only i can do that...

anyway, somehow, i don't really like majlis tahlil. don't get me wrong. it's not that i dislike when relatives gather together and pray to the loved ones who are gone. in fact, i like that part. but i don't find it appropriate what happens after the praying. the feast time. delicious malay traditional food is often served. and people will soon forget what the majlis is for. as they're enjoying the food, they chit-chat and laugh as if it's just another gathering. and sometimes, when they are reading surah yasin, i find as if the men are competing who reads the best, the fastest and the loudest. as if there is no sincerity reading the holy verses. i don't know. i feel kinda guilty when i think of my comments. but these are just my opinions. people won't take it seriously, anyway.

2008-08-25T13:31:00.014+08:00

woo hoo. finally, sem1 exam is over! man, can't believe that yr2 sem1 is just over. how time flies. hmm, feel like commenting on the exam. haha. frankly, i've to be prepared for the worst for the results. cause i studied too last min for the papers. who can score well by doing last min studying? unless luck is on your side. and i had to admit i was playful for this sem. furthermore, i kept having the temptations to watch tv esp since olympics, kekasihku seru and malaysia's future on politics were on air. i fear for my gpa though. i know it will drop. haiz. ok, stop thinking about exam. anyway, wish all the very best to jc peeps who're sitting for their as prelims:)

after our last paper, me and girlfriends went to eunos to eat yong tau foo. i was quite disappointed it's not as yummy as before but well, fishballs and the green fresh veggies saved the meal:) we had planned to take the singapore flyers. since lil is an august baby, she's enabled to take the ride free of charge. she had to wait for her friend who had the ticket. while waiting, we walked around the malls at city hall. man, i really wanna buy more books. but i just bought a malay novel. gotta plan my shopping list. anyway, mccafe iced latte rocks. haha. i was having migraine and to reduce the pain, i had to take caffeine since i didn't bring paracet.

seriously, we were kecoh when we're in the flyer. well, frankly, it's not that worth it to take the ride in addition with a quite costly ticket. perhaps, it'll be more satisfying when the marina bay resort is ready. pics taken:)

bapak rented a car for 2 days. and we really made a full use of it. i've been eating late suppers. haha.

honestly, i thought redha is a girl. but it's actually a he. that's why la, rahman was not a gentleman with him.

2008-08-09T20:28:00.008+08:00

happy 43rd national day to all singaporeans! may singapore be blessed with prosperity, progress and peace:) hmm. it's been such a long time since i last sang our national anthem and recited the pledge. ok, i think i feel kinda patriotic.

mari kita rakyat singapura

sama-sama menuju bahagia

cita-cita kita yang mulia

majulah singapura

marilah kita bersatu

dengan semangat yang baru

semua kita berseru

majulah singapura

haha. i was quite mad when i was watching the ndp, a girl was talking to her friend when the national anthem was sung. but well... only when i watched the parade did i realised i actually missed wearing np uniform and doing the drills. anyway, today i've been a very lazy fat pig. i've been slacking, eating(really a lot!) and watching tv. so far for today, i haven't touched my book(s) to study. somehow, i just can't study on a public holiday. (excuses) better switch to the study mode!

some pics i took from my house view

we wore red on the eve of the national day. thanks to ms angelina for taking the pic for us after the bio tutorial. hee.

2008-08-02T13:15:00.008+08:00

first of all, Happy Belated Nurses's Day to all the lovely children of florence nightingale. hehe. you know what, i think i'm enjoying myself being a nursing student. InsyaAllah, i'll eventually put my whole heart and soul in nursing. hmm. still can remember what andrew sir has mentioned about nurses. "i've seen you guys working in the hospitals. wah, your job is so noble." it really makes us feel good when people appreciate our works. but regardless whether people appreciate us or not and whatever it is, we've to be sincere and genuine in caring for our patients:)

received this msg from norusha. find it really sweet.

being a nurse isn't about grades

it's about being who we are

no book can teach you how to cry with a patient

no class can teach you how to tell a family that he is dying or has passed away

a nurse is not about the medications, the IV and charting

it's about being able to love people at their weakest moments

and being able to forgive them for all their wrongs

and make a difference in their lives

yeah, i've passed my bcls test! now, i'm certified to give people a kiss of life. hehe. anyway, really wanna thanks zawani for her guidances in teaching me bcls. all those practices really paid off. and i don't mind having a blister on the heel of my palm. hee.

random pics of cartoon nurses

anyway, i can't believe that i actually cried upon meeting athena. and tears were still welling in my eyes when i was on my way home. i am still disappointed that my other friends were not present and my girl squadmates didn't come for the pop '08. hmm, that shows how badly i miss my secondary school's life...

ok, i'm so have to start studying for my sem exam. haven't even started. haha. but i really haven't had that mood. argh!

zawani's engangement day

2008-07-25T22:00:00.020+08:00

finally, i'm going to blog. haha. well, frankly, kinda lazy to blog. and somehow, i tend to sleep longer than usual. haha. anyway, congrats to my dear friend, nurul zawani binte zainal abidin. hehe, full name nampak. with the effect from 20/07/2008, she is officially muhd khairy's fiancee:) here are some of the pics taken.

not only the princess of the day but also the dayang2 took picture of themselves. hehe.

and this is the bukit panjang lrt! ain't it look like a bus. hee...

last wed, my sandals had reached the terminal stage. erm, well, i couldn't use it anymore. sharifa tried to paste the holder with a plaster. obviously, it didn't last long but thanks, sharifa. del was sweet enough to give me and yati a ride to amk so that i could buy a new pair of footwear withing the 1-hour break. guess what, i bought 2 pairs of sandals instead. hehe.

wore del's sandals for the time being when went shopping for footwear, haiz, just look at the state of my legs. thanks to psorisis and eczema.

sempat... i think me and the indian girl wanna compete who has the "jettest" butt la.

in del's car with me holding his car companion.

next thurs is my bcls prac test. i suck in my chest compressions. really have to brush up the technique.

time passes so fast. our sem1 exam will begin in 3 weeks' time and after our 3-weeks attachment, we'll be back in school for sem2. isn't it fast?

i don't know if the "liar" is referring to me. but all i want to let you know that i'm not what you think i am. i am your friend. hence, i'd like to be your listening ear and a shoulder for you to cry on. but if you think otherwise instead, it's up to you then. honestly, i've no comments.

Subhanallah...

2008-07-07T23:49:00.003+08:00

i badly need her to come back.
even though it's indirectly,
they are actually attacking me.
help me.

just have to make her come back.

2008-07-02T20:35:00.012+08:00

Alhamdullilah... i've passed my skills test(for now. there're more to go). well, to be honest, i was very disappointed when the assessor commented that it's not a good pass. but after reflecting how i did for the test, i really should be grateful that i passed. i was super bad with my skills. in fact, i suck in hands on. furthermore, the assessor is someone you can't mess up with. erm, that's not the point anyway. whatever it is, i have to practise more. i need to somehow soften my hands. and practise more. the next skills test will be bcls. InsyaAllah, things will go smoothly.

anyway, i was surprised to learn that my former classmate is in nursing. and she's my junior! ok, that sounds rather bad. hehe.

seriously, i doubt i can either improve or even maintain my gpa for this sem. i have absolutely no confidence for my attachment and obviously, my skills test. the attachment's credit is 14! wow. anyway, the schedule of imh and polyclinic attachment is out. i'm not surprised that bulan ramadhan and my birthday fall on the 3-week attachment but rather a nnoyed that hari raya fall on those weeks too! well, it is an off day for us but it's like not fun la... haha. as if i'm the only one who's affected by it.

ok, feel like posting some pics.

here are some of the pics taken when we're having 2-days-and-1-night azam camp at masjid en-naeem frm 21/06. actually there're more pics but ustazah aziemah has not sent them yet:( anyway, really miss the kids as i could not come for most of the tuition classes in may due to my kkh attachment. esp my p2 boys:)

the camp was fun esp at night. the sisters and i didn't really sleep. we played the passing-balloon game and truth and dare as well as watched congkak with the bros. congkak is like, erm, so-so. anyway, i had a minor backache after chang-ing the kids. haha.

ok, somehow the old-school specs is in the trend. ester wears it to school. so one fine day, me and girlfriends wanna try it on. gosh, obviously, i'm the most ugliest one.

ala..zawani didn't wear the specs la. anyway, can't wait for her engangement day:) hee.

2008-06-11T12:56:00.008+08:00

ok. this post is a random one. hee.

woo hoo. my most favourite gameshow is back on screen! it's wheel of fortune (say it with the tune. hehe.) totally can't miss that show. love it when there're flashbacks from the old shows. classic. and i'm now addicted to the pc game. hey, it does widen my general knowledge and vocab. haha.

anyway, i've to admit that i'm now a 100% coffee addict. i used to deny that fact, thinking i won't go to that stage. however, only when i got not that well did i realise how badly i need coffee in my daily life. only for 2 days i didn't drink coffee, i went berserk. haha, not that bad la. my migraine got from bad to worse in spite of paracet. guess my pain score was 7. hee. oh, i hate linctus. that medication totally knocked me off to sleep. anyway, only after i drank a cup of hot, just nice coffee with that aroma did i feel really great. miraculously, my migraine got better. even paracet didn't help much. whahaha. or is it just my mind? hee.

oh, forgot to add. simply love terminator: the sarah connor chronicles series. adore the cameron model, acted by summer glau. her almost expressionless face and stunts rock. haha. but miss the old t-100 model, acted by arnold. hee. somehow, i feel as if i do nothing at home except watch tv. hmm.

2008-06-01T21:32:00.005+08:00

my blog has gone through a rather long hiatus. haha. perhaps i am just busy? or feel plain lazy to update. ok, the latter seems to be the answer.

anyway, i am now doing my attachment at kkh, paediatric ward. the attachment is 4-weeks long. i was posted to gynae ward on the first week and to obs ward on the following week. i'm gonna elaborate on my attachment in my next post. InsyaAllah.

i am a great worrier and paranoid person(not sure if there's such word. haha.) mak is going through the phase of dengue fever recovery. not really sure if she has fully recovered as i discovered that it can take as long as 1 month to recover from the fever. seriously can't wait for 3rd june as she's going to take her blood test. looking forward to learn her platelet level. really hope it's going to be within the normal range. mak seems to be relaxed. that's what she is. she can be paranoid at times(who doesn't?) but eventually, she will be calm and able to sooth the situation. i wonder why i can't be like her.

only after she's diagnosed with the fever did i feel the big responsibility that i'm going to carry. when she's warded in cdc, esp nani offered to lend her hand. but somehow, i declined people's help. i wanted to help my family. it's not that i'm arrogant or what, it's just that i don't want to trouble anyone and depend on others. if i still can handle, i'll do it myself as well as with my sis and bapak. the hikmah i get from this incident is i've learn to be independent and more responsible. to be honest, i was a lazy girl who usually let mak handle the household. i was not a good daughter who have done a lot of sins to her parents. and i admit i take advantage of mak. when she's not at home, i got a shock. i missed her extremely. it made me realise how powerful and great a mother's role is. her influence towards the whole family. bapak who rarely shows his sentimental side did miss her. he even lost weight. and my tasteless cooking was one of the factors. haha.

The AlMighty has His clever ways to open our eyes. the incident really woke me up. only after that someone is gone(either for a while or forever) then you realise the person's presence. you realise how much you need the person. i have to admit i really love mak very much.

speaking of this dengue thing, i used to show a bochap attitude towards it. had this mindset that me and my family are not going to get it. obviously, i was wrong. now i know why singapore is very serious about it. found out that my housing estate area is the most hottest dengue zone. there's a total of 23 cases(last updated 29/05) haiz.

so people, please don't ever leave any stagnant water. hee.

2008-05-04T17:12:00.004+08:00

i have learnt a lot from these past few weeks.
and rabiah, please learn from your sinful mistakes.

i have to change my f***ing attitude.
InsyaAllah.

2008-04-26T12:59:00.006+08:00

munafik.
that is me.

this thing has to stop.
InsyaAllah.

2008-04-25T18:20:00.026+08:00

this perhaps gonna be a long post. haha.

well, just now me and my dear malay gfs went to get our brunch at pizza hut during the 3-hour break. seriously kecoh esp sharifa. i laughed so much that my tummy hurt. unfortunately, my chicken haven kinda sucked. quite regretted buying it but well, it's already in my git. and please excrete it. haha. these are the pics taken.

and this was probably the peak stage. me and fad had been putting the chilli flakes for umpteen times. seriously, my pasta almost made me having nausea. and somehow we felt that the chilli flakes were just not hot enough. hence, yati opened the cover so that we could get more chilli flakes. i was careless. after 'decorating' my pasta with the flakes, i only put the cover back but didn't tighten it. fad had been keeping the best, which was the beef, to the last. and stupid me ruined it when she wanted to pour the flakes. so can you guess what happened next?

yati 'mulut masin'. she mentioned that we could finish half the bottle. but we even finished almost the whole bottle. really sorry fad!

anyway, really Alhamdullilah for what occurred just now. i have given myself a tight slap for being very careless again. i left my phone in the toilet! thank goodness, this dear nursing junior of mine is really honest. i was with my subgroup. the girl sent sms using my phone to yinting that i had lost my phone and she'd like to meet yinting to return it. yinting was a bit blur why i sent her such msg. haha. thank you so much dear :) really owe you one. ester said that i was really lucky. very, seriously. i absolutely do not want "history to repeat itself". once is enough. and i cannot imagine mak's expression if i fail to get my phone back.

elective(introduction to clinical trial) is not that bad. it's pretty interesting esp when it comes to how the trials were done in the previous centuries. most were really cruel and inhumane. they treated the prisoners, inmates and terminally ill patients like they're only worth to be experimented on. on the other hand, their cruel experiments were beneficial. but they were simply heartless. and like my previous elective, it has an open-book test and there's no presentation.

i have to say i am really happy and relieved for jumi :) you deserve a much better life.

haiz. year 2 is kinda a challenge for us. a number of clashes for both icas and tests. so the 2-week break after our attachment has to be utilised properly. as the old saying goes, time is the most valuable thing a man can spend. therefore, proper time management is really important.

i did a so-called self-reflection just now. rabiah simply never stops thinking. hee. like i've mentioned in my previous post, initiative is the in word. you do not need people to tell you, you should have the initiative to commit it. since God has created you a brain, utilise it. think and plan before doing anything. then, you implement it. haha. sounds so nursing process. but it's true. take household chore as an instance. when you see your house in a mess, do tidy it up. you do not need mak to tell you to do it. usually, you won't straight away do it instead you tend to delay. until mak yells at you then you finally do it. but at that moment, you'll be angry with mak for yelling at you. haiz.
this goes the same for our daily life. before going to school, you pack your bag. before attending any class, you try to get the rough idea what it is going to be about. before discussing an ica, you make an agenda. before sitting for any test/exam, you study. before performing any procedure, you prepare the environment, requisites. that's why planning and preparation are vital in our life. and in order to have these two, we need initiative.

and rabiah, you had better practise what you preach.

i sympathise you. and i really want you to change. it is for your own good.

2008-04-23T22:14:00.005+08:00

initiative is the in word.

2008-04-13T10:16:00.010+08:00

finally i got a deep, long sleep. didn't remember the dreams i had so it showed i really slept. haha. it's my fault though. burnt through the midnight oil only either to play computer games, do sudokus, watch movies from net or three of those. haha.

anyway, bought a bag. again. it's meant for school though. i've been buying bags for going out ok. somehow, i'm into sling bags. last fri, me, fad and yati met in school to buy school books. the year 1s were having orientation. the cohort is smaller than ours. believe me, it'll be smaller after sem 1. met lil with her new hair. doesn't really make any difference except it is shorter and looks a bit thinner. but i prefer her previous. it looked luxurious. or is it just me who admire thick hair? haha. initially, we didn't plan to go anywhere. but we just went to town with niat to buy stationery. haha. yeah, right. in fact, we did saies. lol.

our school bags. haha. mine's at the right. wisma nike women shop was having discount sales :) and yati seriously borong! hee...

we love paragon toilet. haha.

going back home...

went to xinmin speech cum homecoming day yesterday. congrats to safiah for achieving top in malay. seriously, xinmin is punctual. they really followed the schedule but not exactly of course. so they really mean and practise what they teach. the 2007 top o-level student who got 10 a1s doesn't look like what i expected him to be. haha. he looks almost like ah beng. haha. so the moral of the story is never judge a book by its cover.

school reopens tmr but not for all the year 2 nursing students. chang sheng's group needs to go for attachment first. ours is from week 5. gosh, how time speeds. we're going to kk for 4 weeks and another attachment will be at imh as well as polyclinics. somehow i just can't wait and yet, i am not looking forward.

2008-04-10T13:22:00.007+08:00

i've been sudoku-ing. and somehow, i've been reading almost all the papers. the straits times, today, my paper and berita harian. perhaps i simply wanna kill time. my general knowledge had better be good. haha. i'm kinda addicted to animes. thanks to fad for introducing me the webbies. usually, i tend to read the comics before watching the animes. but well. gosh, ain't i sound such a boring person. hey, i do go out of course. in fact, i terover budget. haha.

guess i was so bored that i took pics of sudokus. 1 from today and the other from my paper. hee. random.

those who are fans of sudoku, erm, i am not actually but it's just one of my pasttimes, do visit http://www.websudoku.com/. the webby is cool and it has a timer. you can know if you're above or below average or in the average time. believe me, it can get kinda stressful. haha.

anyway, i do get some comments that i seem to gain weight. so, don't be surprised if you see the more chubby me. ewww.

i've been stuffing myself with my favourite biscuits, which are actually bought for rahman :P

2008-04-07T14:36:00.015+08:00

i am currently bored. seriously bored.

my voice is kinda sexy if you know what i mean. at times, i feel like doing sunctioning to myself. ok, that is really gross.

feel like posting these pics which i've taken. haha. anyway, they are copyrighted ok. hee.

anyway, i really blanja sakan. haha. accidentally bought a new phone. nokia 6500. haha. my hands were really itchy.

and they are now.

guess i've to employ a financial planner. tsk tsk.

by the way, i am rather appalled with some, perhaps most, of singaporeans' attitudes towards the rising costs. ok, i know that we're worried over the inflation and a bit paranoid if there's shortage of rice. however, do have faith in the government. they claimed that we've enough rice and even the world's biggest rice exporter, thailand, assured that they'll not cut back on exports of the grain. so, chill out ya. don't buy so many packets that others have to wait for another day to buy. and those rich peeps who keep sighing over the rising costs. stop it. do spare a thought for those needy ones. thank you.

2008-04-05T01:00:00.004+08:00

finally, our 2nd attachment is over. haha. it seems as if i've been countdowning it and so looking forward to the last day. haha. well, i can't deny that i feel relieved after the 3-weeks attchment. ok, it's not exactly 3 weeks. and it's definitely so much better than the previous one. obviously, i was like so damn super blur on the first week especially when i had to go for shs on the 2nd and 3rd. that seemed to worsen my blurness when i came back to the ward on thurs. however, like what ms ng told me "learning is from experience" and summer did mention that "take this as your experience." and i have to say they are indeed true. it is a culture shock from nyp nursing lab to real hospital setting, from mannequins to real-life patients, from friends to colleagues. i am very regretful for the stupid, careless mistakes i've done and at the same time, i feel satisfied after attending to the patients, knowing that i've done my part in helping them in one way or another. haiz, i miss my patients and most of their names are still stuck in my head. and i definitely still remember the gatal ones. haha. "my" patients? haha.

only after i went through this attachment did i somehow feel that probably i'm starting to love nursing. mak never fails to remind me that nursing is a fardhu kifayah. honestly, i've been planning that after serving my 3-year bond at ttsh, i may change my path to another career. i've been having this mindset that i'm just not destined in nursing. it started from my first attachment. gosh, i would not like to reflect those days. rabiah, switch off. ok. frankly, for the past 3 weeks, i always feel i'm the very worst nursing student in the ward. the others are so much better than me and the former ans are the best. i hate my skills, which are just so f***ing sucky. i admit i've to work very hard for my year 2. improve my theory and must, must really brush up my skills.

anyway, big thanks to those who have been guiding and helping me through the attachment. first of all, The AlMighty One, who has been guiding me a lot. mak who never fails to reassure me. ms ng, ms ng and ms chia(from the previous attachment), sn candy, sn keng li, sn pei ru, san halimah to name a few. sharifa and summer for your advices. they are really helpful. will never forget the staff from shs. dr chua, ssn habsah, sn shirley, sn lee yong, en fadhilah and esp en wai wai. and the dear patients. thanks for trusting me to perform the tasks. i really hope that i will not disappoint you guys. InsyaAllah.

woo hoo. can't wait for year 2.
really?

2008-03-14T00:07:00.004+08:00

Alhamdullilah. that's all what i can say. and finally, i said it.

what do i exactly want? i hate myself for being such a f***ing ungrateful person. my first impression when i looked at my results is gosh, this totally sucks. somehow, tears abled to hold back. however, this devil in me started scolding me. i've not been studying enough. mak will be very disappointed in me. your friends gonna say you're such a big loser. and all those negative comments were conquering my head until mak asked, "kak long ok?" she was at the door. i told her my results and she said, "Alhamdullilah. ok la tu." and she left me alone in my room with the devil.

have i defeated it?

2008-03-07T11:35:00.031+08:00

heyas ppl! me, fad and yati are gonna show you around where you may feel you're in the ancient china. so come follow us exploring one of the uniquely singapore features, chinese garden!

hmmm...bangaus (oops, sorry. we're not that expert in eng!). haha.

we're now heading to the east entrance of the chinese garden. can you guys see a temple?

that's the temple! actually it's supposed to be the pagoda, which is used in ancient times where the buddhists kept human bones.

so now, we're so wanna climb the pagoda!

gosh. honestly, we don't expect the building to be a seven-storey one. haha. however, we find it the is climbing worth the while. wow, look at the breathtaking view with the wind blowing softly against our faces. Subhanallah...

hmmm. we're rather curious to know what are the structures that we've seen from the temple...

ok. here's one. it's known to be the stone boat or yao yueh fang. actually, we're more attracted to the reflections. gosh, the lake must be really clean and clear. hee...

me and yati are now at the pathway? which leads to some other building. haha.

along the pathway...

oh. it's not our luck that the live tortoise and turtle muzeum is not opened. hey, guess what. this muzeum is the largest tortoise and turtle muzeum in the whole world. gosh, our general knowledge about singapore must be really bad. haha.

here i am with the fish. haha. this pond is situated within the muzeum's compound. we notice that the fish seem to be following us as we walk around the pond. hmmm...

we're now at the white rainbow bridge or pai huang chiao. somehow, the flats kinda spoil the scenery. haha.

hmmm...we wonder. what's up with the snake on top of the turtle?

argh! a monitor lizard. haha.

me and fad at the zodiac bridge. erm, we've no idea what do the chinese characters mean.

the quarry...

look at the playground! haha. it looks rather weird somehow being situated in the garden. nevertheless, it's for the little kids to play.

we simply love the white bridge which leads to the japanese garden...and the reflections. awesome.

Subhanallah! look, the sun is setting.

ok. this nak-step-zoom-thailand is rather lame and not working at all. haha. well, we went to the chinese garden on the 5th of march. we decided to explore the place further after we've gone there once when we went for a swim at jurong swimming complex. and it was at night. haha.

some of the pics taken at the chinese garden...

2008-03-05T11:52:00.002+08:00

woo hoo. finally ended the expert level of luxor:amun rising!

so which game i should play now? haha. and mak is now addicted to this luxor game. but she's still in the beginner stage. whahaha. hee... random.

love story

2008-02-28T14:44:00.009+08:00

i've been reading quite a number of love stories. both english and malay(seriously, surpisingly...) novels. and i discovered that the best love story i've ever read is 'lord of fire' by gaelen foley. to be honest, it is absolutely very good. the magnificent setting absolutely awed me. it brought me back to the england golden age when there're brave, charming knights and beautiful, elegant ladies in breathtaking dresses, covering their precious chemises. and the relationship between lord lucien knight and alice montague simply cradled me to the dreams of love. somehow, their relationship reminded me the 'love story' song by andy williams...

i find that love is a complicated yet beautiful relationship.

however, i was wrong. their love amazes me but not as great as the true love between Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. and his beloved wife, Siti Khadijah r.a. Allah blesses The Loving Duo.

Zamilooni by Zain Bikha and Native Deen

He stepped inside his home, and he overwhelmed with fear
An angel came with words from God, things were still unclear
Saying "Read. Read."
But he couldn't read the amazing words he heard
A trembling deep inside his heart, confused by what had occurred
There was only one who could comfort him
And help him see the light
To ease his fears, to reassure
It was Khadijah, his wife...

He said Zamilooni, Zamilooni, Dathirooni, Dathirooni
(Envelop me, Embrace me)
A mighty task has come before me
I need you here with me...
By my side...

She was a woman of nobility, successful in all her trade
Many wealthy men had asked for her, she had turned them all away
But when she saw Muhammad, a shining moon, may peace be on his soul
He was a light for her, so right for her
Her life will now be whole
But she had never seen him so distressed, as he was there that day
She would comfort him, and hold him tight, and chase his doubts away

He said Zamilooni, Zamilooni, Dathirooni, Dathirooni
A mighty task has come before me
I need you here with me...
By my side...

We look for stories of love, in places dark and cold
When we have a guiding light, for the whole world to behold
But are so selfish in our ways, and to the ones we hold so close
Our own pleasure and happiness is what we value most
But she sacrificed all her wealth and everything she had
And he honored her, and gave her faith
When the times were bad...

Now years had passed, times had changed
Since Khadijah breathed her last
Message of the One True God was spreading far and vast
But then he came across a necklace that Khajidah once had worn
His eyes began to swell with tears, his heart again began to mourn
Cause she was there for him
When times were rough, and his enemies were cruel
She was the first believer, so keen and eager, to comfort al-Rasool

He said Zamilooni, Zamilooni, Dathirooni, Dathirooni
A mighty task has come before me
I need you here with me...
By my side...

Mawlaya salli wa sallim da'iman abada'
Ala habibika khayril khalqi kullihimi
(O my Leader, send your salutations and blessings forever
Upon Your Beloved, the best of the whole of creation)

a simply perfect love story indeed

2008-02-24T12:50:00.005+08:00

this article from sunday times lifestyle caught my eye early in the morning. haha. the title is "do s'pore women expect too much?" a survey was done for both sexes. before i proceed to the results, i'd like to apologise if i seem to disobey the copyrighted rules and regulations. but i'm interested in the topic and don't worry, i acknowledge and salute mak mun san for bringing up this topic and social development service for carrying out the survey.

here are the results of the social development service survey on dating traits which was done on 200 singles:

80% of women expect their boyfriends to pay on dates and 92% of men will do so
50% of women expect men to open the doors to cars and restaurants and 88% of men will do so
90% of women expect men to send their girlfriends home after a date and 94% will do so
96% of women expect their boyfriends to initiate the celebration of special occasions eg anniversaries and birthdays and 92% of men will do so
88% of women expect their boyfriends to dress up for social occasions eg valentine's day and birthdays while 78% of men will do so
24% of women expect their boyfriends to carry their handbags and 70% of men will do so

honestly, i am surprised to find that more than half of the men singles will carry their girlfriends' handbags and open up doors. so these gentlemen do still exist. haha. but yeah, this dr was saying that the attitudes revealed were "quite old-fashioned" since it has not yet established the equal opportunity for women. well, i don't find this as an issue at all. some of the gestures are simply courtesy. like sending the girlfriends home. to me, it is an act of responsibility. you bring the girl out of her nest, you'd better send the girl back to her nest in one piece. that's how the guy can impress the girl's parents. women nowadays are independent and more forward-looking in terms of careers, promotions but they're still the old-fashioned women who want to be loved and pampered. however, most of the women are egoistic and might not want to say it. am i including myself? hee... in my opinion, for now, education is the first priority. do what i want for now cause maybe once i'm in a serious relationship, i may not have the opportunity to fulfill my goals. if only i can be in a relationship. women nowadays are just so ambitious. we wanna do this and that. we multitask to accomplish our goals. in fact, we're trying to be superwomen. however, at times, we do need attention...but we're just too egoistic to admit so. haha. i read manja as well. was attracted to the interviews of nuraliza osman and rima melati. to be frank, they're my role models. they strive and work hard to achieve what they're aiming for. like what nuraliza said, "education is the only thing that can change a woman's life." unfortunately, rima has just gone through a divorce. actually, to me, she's not ready for a committed marriage. she's just too ambitious since she admitted that she doesn't wanna regret for not doing things that she dreams of when she becomes old. hmmm, true. and i don't really think her ex-husband suits her anyway. she deserves much better. oops. hee. that's why. achieve the dreams and goals. then, settle down. or maybe like what nuraliza mentioned, "we need a partner who understands us, motivates us and at the same time, shares our dreams and hopes." but it does take two hands to clap.

at times, i do wish i've someone to be there for me. but i'm just too serious when it comes to this kind of relationship. i want that partner of mine to be a life-long one. and for now, guys are still totally not matured yet. haha. anyway, most of the times, i do feel really foolish for thinking that oh-i'm-so-unlucky-not-to-have-a-guy and oh-where-is-he and why-can't-i-have-one. stupid. it's just not the time yet. i've other things to focus on. especially studies. then, career. what about my parents? haiz. sometimes, i think i won't get married at all. haha.

2008-02-23T23:48:00.006+08:00

haha. feel like blogging again. haha.

ok. this is random. me in bowen unironed uniform. and hey, this is my sec 2 one. haha. still can wear. but that doesn't mean i'm slim :(

was actually cleaning my wardrobe. so yeah, found this uniform. haha. and rahman seems to love the mirror in my new wardrobe. haha.